A mission statement for 2009

I have been thinking a lot about the last two years and all that has happened over that time. Some great moments and some truly terrible ones. At this time last year I had vowed to live my life more fully and deeply than I had done in the past. As this year ends it is obvious to me that I didn't do a very good job of that. I took some time to think about the person I would like to be and listed some words that would describe how that person would live. I came up with eleven of them. I know I will make various task and accomplishment related resolutions as the new year begins and I hope that I'll be able to keep some of them. My one real resolution this year will be to check in regularly - daily if possible - to see how well I have met my character mission statment. It is:

I will remember that my time here is brief and will live with love, kindness, understanding, patience, wisdom, awareness, purpose, strength, faith, gratitude, and joy.

I'll need to practice these. I don't know if I could even list them all correctly from memory yet. I put them in that order for a reason because they all seem to relate to each other. To help me remember them, I made an eleven pointed star diagram. It is far from high quality graphic work but it will do the trick for me. Here it is.

A poem - a prayer

I needed to get something from my car today and decided to go out without a coat since I was parked fairly near to the building. People told me I would freeze but I thought a jaunt into the cold would be bracing. It was a little disappointing when I got out there to find that it is 55 degrees at the moment.

Still, the experience I had anticipated having made me think of a poem - A Prayer by Sara Teasdale. It seems a good sentiment for the end of this year, and is likely to be a little more applicable since the temperatures are supposed to drop significantly over the next few days.

A Prayer

When I am dying, let me know
That I loved the blowing snow
Although it stung like whips;
That I loved all lovely things
And I tried to take their stings
With gay unembittered lips;
That I loved with all my strength,
To my soul's full depth and length,
Careless if my heart must break,
That I sang as children sing
Fitting tunes to everything,
Loving life for its own sake.

Yesterday morning

We are having unusually warm weather and when I got up yesterday morning it was already nearly 60 degrees outside. I decided to go for a walk along the river and had a wonderful time. It was a grey morning with fast moving clouds. Maybe because of the clouds there were very few people out and I saw nobody for quite a long time. The mist on the river created quite a mood. It takes more photographic skill than I have to capture something like that well but here is a photo of the river as I crossed the bridge at the beginning of the route.


I walked for quite a way and on the way back the clouds began to clear. The wind was moving them along quickly and the light show on the trees and the river was beautiful to watch. I climbed out on a rotten log and took this video with my snappy new camera. This doesn't do the moment justice - it was one of those 'you had to be there' experiences - but I'm glad I have this anyway.

When I was nearly back to the car I came upon a heron feeding in the river. This heron was remarkably unimpressed by the presence of people and watched camly as joggers with big dogs trotted by. I was able to take this picture.


The heron and I looked at each other for quite some time. I finally realized that mealtime probably wouldn't continue while I stood there so I moved along.

I hope the memory of this morning stays with me.

Christmas has come and gone

Christmas was a great success. Everyone seemed to have a good time and all the meals came out well. There was less of a focus this year on presents which was refreshing. That removed a good deal of the pressure that seems to surround the holidays.

I'm looking forward to a similar tone through the rest of the holidays - some relaxing, quiet times spent with friends and family. Sounds ideal.

Well, this was odd

A few days ago I set up Google Analytics to track activity on this blog. It doesn't report anything that would identify a particular person who visits but it let's me know if anyone at all happened to stop by.

One of the reports gives a list of sites that link to the blog. It only reports them when someone actually follows the link and views one of my posts. I was surprised to find that my post with poems by Christina Rossetti and Sara Teasdale had recently been linked from an AP English blog from Fremont, California. My post is cited dispassionately but not inappropriately as being "from the POV of a cancer patient." It's odd because after this long year I still feel a bit like a pretender in that role. My disease has been dramatic, of course, but far less scary or threatening than those some others have fought. I am grateful for having been passed over and wish deeply that all of those dear to me could have been as fortunate.

Official one-year surgeon appointment

I had my one year follow-up appointment with the lung surgeon this afternoon. All of that went as well as could be hoped. My lungs sounded good and the x-ray was what they had hoped to see. I go back again in four months now.

I am happy about this but can't be too happy this evening. The waiting room for the surgeon is next to the waiting area for the pediatric oncology department and while I was there several families came in. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them. I won't soon forget this day.

Decorating the tree

I started decorating for Christmas today. I usually leave the tree for last but I started with it this year. Decorating the tree is always a melancholy part of the holiday season. I have an assortment of ornaments that I have collected over the years and they bring back a lot of memories. I realized today that I can recognize most of them from their feel through the tissue paper before I unwrap them. They're like old friends I get to see only once a year. I won't get a chance to finish the tree until tomorrow. When that's done I'll post a picture of it here.

Thanksgiving preparations

Everything seems to be coming together for Thanksgiving. I have taken inventory of all the dishes I have traditionally used - those that came from my mother's house and other things I have collected over the years. Seeing these things is a little like getting together with old friends that I see only once a year. They bring back a flood of happy memories. It will be good to host the dinner again. I couldn't do it last year. All the supplies are in stock aside from a few items I'll pick up tomorrow afternoon.

I'll have to study up on how long to cook the turkey again. THe FDA web site says to allow one pound of turkey per person. I'll have eight people and bought a 23 pound turkey so I should be OK on that front. The stuffing will be great and I have a new, easy and tasty home made cranberry sauce recipe. I still don't know what to do with those yams, though. I'm not good at yams.

Monday, Monday

I'm puttering about the house getting ready for the week. I made it through the weekend successfully not getting anything ready for Thanksgiving so I'll be on the case with that for the next few days. We'll have a smaller than usual group this year - only eight of us - so Thanksgiving dinner should be a snap to prepare. I bought a 23 pound turkey anyway. I figure if you're going to spend all the time preparing a turkey it might as well be a big one..

This week promises to be a frantic one at work. We have several people out for the holiday so everyone who is left will be hopping.

I have a doctor appointment this afternoon. Just a general follow up to the year that has gone before. He'll probably just tell me I'm too tubby and out of shape. I'm not looking forward to that but if that's all the bad news I get then I'll take it.

John, Jennie and I went to see our aunt yesterday up in Johnstown. She seemed just a bit weaker and quieter than she had been the last time I was there. While she said very little she did eat all of the crabcake that we had brought to her. I was glad of that. It's often hard to know what to do to brighten a day. Most of the time just showing up is enough, I think.

Heron return

I saw the heron in the river again this morning. That was reassuring in a way. It had been a long time since I'd seen her and I thought by now she might have left for the winter. Of course, I can't tell if it's a male or a female or if it is even the same heron from one time to another. Still, the herons have been a constant for me over the last year or so and have taken on a significance for me. It was good to see that she is still there.

Flowers by surprise

I got flowers today. They came from my sister and brother-in-law to help me celebrate my big one year mark. They're very beautiful with roses, alstromeria, snapdragons, carnations, lilies and stock. There's also some other flower that I don't recognize. The stock and lilies are very fragrant which is great. Here's a photo...




It's hard to get good lighting on them in my office so imagine them even more beautiful than this picture suggests. Despite all the challenges and problems that the workday presented, this has been a very good day.

Happy news

I have two friends who had been going through some difficult times - one with employment problems and one with a big health scare. Today they both called me to report that all is well. The job issue has been solved and the health scare turned out to be a false call. What happy news. Both of these things had been going on for some time and that sort of looming disaster can be so debilitating. It's good to know that those burdens have been lifted.

In other news, my fancy phone/organizer acted up today and may be dying. I don't quite know what to do ith it. Compared to other issues this is not a major problem. Maybe this is some sort of cosmic trade-off where I have to pay with an annoyance to get some good news. If so, then I definitely got the better end of the deal.

One year

Today is my one year surgery anniversary. It has been a hard year with recovery from the lung surgery, the other much less dramatic hernia surgery, some serious challenges at work, and most of all the crushing loss of my friend Barry. This has all left a profound mark on me. Thinking back, what strikes me is that it was a year of love. I am still overwhelmed by the kindnesses that were showered on me. I have such a wonderful family and the best possible friends. I am also very grateful for the time that I spent with Barry and Rick and am glad to have a job that let me go when I needed to go.

I will hold this year in my mind and heart. I will continue let what I have learned guide my choices and actions. It was a year that let me see clearly what is most important in life. It is my job to show that the lesson has been learned.

Election day

I was up early this morning to get some things done before heading out to the polls. This is an election that I didn't want to miss. I got there at 6:30 (the polls opened at 7:00) and there was already a line. It was worth it. It was easily the most important thing I'll be doing today.

As this election has been approaching I keep thinking of lines from the old hymn, "How Can I Keep from Singing." Among others, Enya recorded it on her Shepherd Moons album. The lines that keeps coming back to me are,

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

I'm certainly not wishing death knells on anyone, but I would welcome a new direction and a chance to rejoice with friends - both far and near.

Morning walks

I've begun morning walks again. I had fallen off of that after the big 5K trip in September. I went again this morning for the first time since then and did what is now my usual three mile route. Some of the enthusiasm came from my biological clock not having caught up with the time change. Despite one-hour time shift I started and finished the walk in the dark.

It was an interesting morning. It is deer romance season and there were deer everywhere. They don't seem to mind if you don't come up on them too closely. I try to make sufficient noise walking so that I don't take them by surprise. I don't want to be one of those people who is featured in the news as a victim of a freak deer attack. Most of the deer I saw were small. They must be this spring's youngsters.

I also saw a fox and a little rabbit. Luckily for the rabbit I didn't see them both at the same time. There were also lots of things skittering about in the woods along the road. Now that the dry leaves are coming down it's hard for anything to move quietly through the trees.

This year's pumpkins

Halloween has come and gone. My neighbors threw a community party. I made a lot of food and was able to support the decorations with all the assorted Halloween stuff I've collected over the years. I also did some pumpkins again this year. Here's a picture of the 2008 crop.

One of these years I'm going to invest in some of those artificial pumpkins that you can carve since I cut similar faces into them each year. Still, there's something about the real thing that would be hard to re-create.

An interesting evening

We had some brisk winds in the area yesterday. The drive home was quite a challenge. Traffic wasn't bad but there were lots of power outages and some important traffic lights were out. I had to take an alternate route to my house because a tree had fallen across Main Street in Ellicott City, blocking the road and taking out several telephone poles. My house had been without power most of the day but it was back on by the time I got home.

I walked down to the river this morning before dawn and power hadn't been restored to Main Street yet. There wasn't much moonlight and it was remarkable how dark the street was. The nights are usually bright with street and house lights in my area. It was interesting to get this view of what it must have been like in earlier days. Much easier to imagine those images in novels of creepy scenes on foggy London streets. It was a good morning.

Sore today

Well, this was unexpected. I finally started doing some exercises - after over a year of doing no strength training at all. I'm sore a bit, which isn't a surprise, but the spot where they cut through my back hurts quite a bit. I guess that I should have seen that coming but after nearly a year I didn't think it would have been the case. It will go away in time, I'm sure, and would probably have happened no matter when I took this back up. The sooner I get back into a routine, the sooner this minor issue will correct itself.

Colder weather

It got down to the upper 30's at my house this morning. I still have some of the windows open so it was fairly crisp in the house. Last year at this time I was gearing up for my big event and bought an assortment of warm fleece things to wear. I also received a very soft robe and an electric throw so I am enjoying the opportunity to put them to use again. While it was a series of experiences I'd be happy not to repeat, many good things did come from the events of this past year. Those warm clothes are among the things in the plus column.

Eleven months

This is my 11 month surgery landmark. I'll stop counting monthly in November. At least I'll stop counting here. But these monthly acknoledgements still seem like landmarks to me. So much is different from this time last year.

I thought this morning a lot about how I vowed to be different because of this experience and how I haven't made good on that. I will pay more attention to that in October so that I'll be able to feel that I actually progressed somewhat through this year.

The weather was glorious this weekend although I didn't have much time to revel in it. Lots to do. I did notice that the trees are beginning to change everywhere now. In the spring each tree shows up individually as leaves come out freshly pale green. In the summer the trees appear as a group - a uniform, richer green. You don't hear people saying, "that tree" as much as "those trees", or "that forest", or "that hillside." As the leaves age into the autumn each tree can be identified separately again. It's almost as if each wants to be noticed as different from the others before moving into the cold of winter. That makes sense to me.

Another birthday celebration

I have just returned home from a birthday celebration with my friends the Rubes on the Loose (Sue, Cindy and Mary Lou). They took me to Toby's Dinner Theater to see The Producers. It was a very good production. They also gave me gifts which seemed too much but which I enjoyed quite a lot. There were too many to list here and I don't want to make anyone jealous.

One is worth special mention, though. Sue and I have mentioned that we often put important things in 'a safe place' and then can't find them again. Sue's daughter Sarah made me a safe place box to use for that purpose. It includes this warning, "Caution: Moving this box can cause you to lose it, feel worried, frantic, sick, confused, disorganized, and hungry. Ingestion of this box after finding or ever will cause major weight gain due to stress of not having s safe place." And on the side it says, "Do not eat or move."

Inside it included a portable safe place (also shown in the picture above) for me to use when traveling. I will make good use of this!

A sluggy week

I have lived like a slug this week. Probably a reaction to having pushed to get ready for the 5K last weekend. I'm hoping to get back in the swing soon.

The cool weather has arrived and that always makes me want to curl up. Little by little we're creeping up on the days when the drive to and from work is made in the dark. "Soon will the winter be on us, snow-hushed and heartless" as the poem goes. Not yet, though, so I want to take advantage of what daylight there is to get the yard and garden cleaned up and ready for winter.

A big step

The Start sign at the beginning of the course

Last weekend, Sue and I went down to Disney World to participate in the Everest Challenge endurance event. It included a 5K run, a short obstacle course, and a scavenger hunt. Sue had heard about it and suggested that we sign up. For me it was a landmark way to put all the challenges of last year behind me. I had been walking some but not in any sort of athletic way so about six weeks ago Sue and I started a program of timed 5K walks to get in better shape. It worked. We did our 5K in our best time ever. We checked the results and we came in with the bottom third of the participants but that's way better than dead last. The course was through the Animal Kingdom park and they kept the park open for the participants after the race so that we could ride the rides and relax a bit. It was a ton of fun. The event was held on Saturday evening. Animal Kingdom usually isn't open at night so it was fun to be there in the dark. The lighting on the Everest ride and the water ride was impressive. It wasn't crowded at all so we were able to go on the water ride three times in a row. We were soaked but happy.

In front of the Tree of Life in the Animal Kingdom park

A view of the Everest ride from a bridge at Animal Kingdom

While we were there we did an assortment of other fun things, too. On Friday evening we went to Pleasure Island to go to the Adventurer's Club one last time (first time for me). It closed for good on Saturday and was jammed when we were there. We also toured through Epcot. I had been there before but we did several of the things that I had missed or were new since I was there last. The Soarin' ride was really cool.

What with one thing and another I had slipped way out of shape over these last few years and at this time last year I didn't think I'd be doing anything like this again. This event was a BIG DEAL for me. I had a wonderful time and am grateful to Sue for setting it all up.

Our very cool medals and the race shirts. We got the standard event shirt plus Sue ordered us team shirts. Our team name was Bluffingwildly.

Birthday has come and gone

The birthday weekend was a very quiet one. That is just what I was hoping for. Last year I had a spectacular series of celebrations (see "A wonderful day" from last September.) That was a big year and the birthday came at a time when the lung surgery was looming in the near future. It was reassuring that this year there is nothing going on that would call for a big acknowledgement of the day. I had a great time, of course, with dinner with my family on Sunday and other time spent with friends. Just what I had hoped for.

I mentioned to my brother John yesterday that I am now older and chubbier than I have ever been in my life. He pointed out that it was OK to work on not getting chubbier but that getting even older was actually a good thing. A wise perspective.

Monday, Monday

Well, the weekend has past and Monday has come again. I have had a busy day of it trying to get things done early because I will be out at a lot of meetings at the end of the week.

The weekend was good but too busy. I did learn one thing, though. At a party someone jokingly (I hope) asked when I was going to stop talking about the lung surgery. I know I do refer to it a lot so I'm going to try to be conscious of that and keep a lid on remarks about it.

My home computer died over the weekend. That was a bad piece of news. I'm going to be working to buy a new one and to figure out how to extract the data from my old hard drive. I know that's possible but I'm not quite sure how to approach it yet. I guess I'll be getting a new computer for my birthday - and delaying the someday purchase of a fancy new TV.

All good news

I am home from the pulmonologist and surgeon appointments. All of the news was good. Here are the pivotal words from the CT scan report, "There is no evidence of infiltrate, consolidation, mass or nodule." I had no indication that I would get any news other than this but it had been on my mind a lot nevertheless. So many others have received worse and completely unexpected news this year.

My pulmonologist, Dr. Nanavaty, gave me a lung function test today, too. From what he told me, I have about 80% of the lung function that would be expected from someone of my age, race and sex. He doesn't have any measure from before I got sick so he compares me to the statistical standard. He did have the pre-op test results and it turns out that the lung capacity is about 10% less now than it was before the surger. That makes sense. I had evidently been working with less than the usual amount of lung when that first test was done.

I will have to go back regularly for follow up testing but they don't seem scary now. What a year, or couple of years this has been.

An interesting piece of information

I read news item online this morning about a study that shows that intellectual activities can cause you to eat more. It was lead by Jean-Philippe Chaput at Laval University in Quebec City, Canada. According to the study, people who were involved in more intense mental activity ate 29.4 percent more calories. This was very liberating for me to read. Now I can attribute any weight problem I might have to my overactive brain rather than my underactive body. This is good news. Of course, the article does go on to say that people who eat less have greater mental acuity and, of course, are thinner. I might think about that over a bag of chips.

I don't know how long the article will be availalbe online but I read it here: http://www.livescience.com/health/080904-brain-food.html

CT scan done

This morning I had the CT scan for Wednesday's follow-up appointments. Aside from a little insurance authorization issue that all seems to have gone well. I did feel the effects of the iodine contrast injection much more this time than last time. I didn't have any bad reactions, though.

Here's a little video of the CT scan. This time I only got top-down images rather than front to back ones. It's not expected to show anything surprising but it could be full of unusual things for all I can tell. It looks like there are two separate runs with different levels of contrast. Here's some infomation I just learned - while the scan goes from top down, the view is the one you would see if you were looking up from my feet. That means that right side where lung was removed is shown on the left.

There is no sound on the video. I was half tempted to add some sort of revolting squishy noises but that seemed to be a little too much. They don't anticipate that I'll get any scary news from this scan but I don't want to press my luck by being too flippant. It could be superstition but it seems to me that medical surprises usually come just as you've begun to let your guard down.

An interesting day

Yesterday my brother John and I drove to visit our aunt Dolores who has been sick and is in a rehab facility in Portage, PA. The visit went well. We took a Baltimore crabcake sandwich and that was a big hit. All in all, just visiting seems to mean so much. I learned a lot about that last year.

For the trip back we decided to take the scenic way along old Route 30 through to Gettysburg and then home. On our way we stopped by the Buchanan's Birthplace monument. It's tucked back in a little park in Pennsylvania. Here's a picture of John and me in front of it.


Just before Gettysburg we came across a great place that sold all sorts of concrete lawn ornaments. it seemed like a good idea to stop. They also sold some pottery items and John ended up with a couple of those. I left with a really cool concrete gargoyle. I don't quite know what I'm going to do with it but I couldn't pass it up. It will look great peeking out from under a bush. I'll have to feature it somehow for Hallowe'en first. Here's a photo in its current location. I had to put it on a tarp and drag it up the hill into the back yard.

Moving into September

Yesterday was my ten-month surgery landmark. It seems as if it was much longer ago now. I'm looking forward to the doctor appointments this week where I'll find out how much lung capacity I have left and will verify (I hope) that the CT scan shows that all is well.

Tropical storm Hanna blew through yesterday. That turned out not to be too much trouble. We did get some rain which was a plus. It is beautifully clear this morning and I just got back from my walk. Looking back, I do three miles in the morning now in about as much time as it took me to do less than a mile this time last year. Some of that is just due to routine but I think it must be a good sign.

The river was not too high this morning. I have seen it much higher after a summer thunderstorm. It may well have been higher yesterday, of course. On my way down I thought about how long it has been since I've seen a heron. I didn't expect anything today since the water was still moving at a good clip. As I was going over the bridge, though, a bird let loose with a very loud, raspy call. I couldn't see it in the darkness but when I got home I checked some bird song websites and sure enough, it was a heron. That was reassuring somehow.

Autumn is obviously on the way now. There are a lot of crisp leaves along the sides of the road (OK, maybe not so crisp this morning) and the autumn flowering clematis is in full bloom. Everything smells like autumn, my favorite season.

It occurred to me just this morning that my birthday is coming up in just under two weeks. What a wonderful time I had last year with the trip to Colorado with my family. There was a lot looming at that time. This year should be a quieter time, a more typical birthday. I'm glad to think that nothing out of the ordinary will seem necessary.

Small thrill

It has been a nice but low-key holiday weekend. My biggest thrill was buying a new vacuum cleaner yesterday. I have been using an old Hoover upright that I bought for $5 at a thrift store about 16 years ago. It finally bombed out on me. I bought a fairly low-end new Hoover now and it works great. I am having a great time vacuuming up a storm. It's probably sad that I'm enjoying this so much but that's the truth. Another big day in my life!

Appointments to prepare for appointments

OK, the CT scan is scheduled as of this morning. It turns out that I had to schedule some blood work before I can have that. And before the blood work can happen I have to pick up a form that says what tests are needed. So, for the one actual doctor appiontment to come off as scheduled I have to make three prelminary trips to different spots. It's interesting how all this works. I'll do all this gladly with the expectation that the news from all these test and appointments will be good. I don't expect to hear anything but positive news but it's hard not to get jumpy as these things approach.

I'm looking forward to seeing what the CT scan results look like. Last time I had one of those I was able to convert the image files into a movie. I'm hoping to do that again this time so that I can compare the two. It'll be interesting to see what it looks like with less lung taking up space. I wonder if anything has shifted around.

Appointments and appointments

This morning I spent a little time setting up appointments that I need to have. By the middle of September I will have gone for a follow up CT scan and had a lung surgeon and a pulmonologist follow-up appointment. That will be interesting. I'm supposed to get a pulmonary function test at that point so I'll get a feel for exactly how much lung capacity I have lost. I also made an appointment with the eye doctor. New glasses - always good. This time I might spring for the fancy sun-darkening ones. I've always wanted those.

Up a tree

On Saturday I was thinking about all the things I said I wanted to do when I was out with the hernia surgery. One of them was climbing the tree in the front yard. I had been up it before but haven't climbed up there for several years. I decided to hoist myself up at least part of the way. The tree trunk divides so I decided only to go up that far this time.


It's an easy climb because there are so many branches. It would be possible slip but it would be hard to fall out.


Aside from the fact that it's just fun to do, the view from up in the tree is great. You can see down into my back yard and out over the valley to the east. On Saturday there was just a light breeze so the tree didn't sway too much. It would swing quite a lot in a brisk wind.



There is a taller pine tree in the back yard. You can see quite a long way if you climb near to the top. It has lost some branches at the bottom in recent years so it's harder to get started going up there. I might try it again some time, though. That one really is an adventure.

In the mail

Like everyone else, the first thing I do when I get home is to check the mail. Usually it's full of assorted junk mail and advertisements for assorted things. Yesterday I didn't have any of that, just two handwritten notes. I don't think I have ever had that happen before.

The first note was from Rick, thanking me for things I did to help during and after Barry's illness. It was beautifully written and he said some of the kindest and most helpful things. I will hold onto it for a long time. The second was from my nephew Joe to thank me for a graduation present. I kid my nephews that I'm only being nice to them so they'll feel obligated to take care of me when I'm old. Joe told me that he'd be the first to take care of me when I'm old and decrepit in the home. That was both funny and reassuring. After this past year and a half, decrepit seems to be coming on sooner than I had anticipated!

What a wonderful moment to come home to find two kind and thoughtful messages. It made me feel as if I just might be getting things right some of the time.

Full moon and heron

This morning I took my usual walk down to the river before dawn. I'm trying to step up the pace a bit to get some real exercise. It was beautifully clear and the full moon lit up everything. A heron was standing in the river by the bridge. She was closer than usual and didn't fly away as they sometimes do. It has been a very long time since I've seen a heron there. A good sign, I hope.

A perplexing surprise

Today I just happened to notice a box that had been sent through our internal delivery system that was addresed to me and had been left on a file cabinet outside my office door. I don't know how long it might have been there. It didn't contain a note, just a Lava Lite themed box of Puffs tissues. It was evidently sent by someone who knows me well - or at least sent by someone who knows that I have more than one Lava Lite and that getting these mystery shipments in delivery is likely to drive me round the bend with curiosity. I did the usual forensic analysis of the box, trying to read through all the scratched out labels to figure out where it might have been before but that didn't pay off. It's a cool box, too. It has a lenticular Lava Lite picture on one side that changes depending on your angle of view. A fun surprise on a day that I could really use one.

OK, it turns out that the box was from Sharyn. I suspected a much. The scary part is that she had sent me an email to tell me that it was coming and I zoned out on that info.

And a new week begins

The memorial service this weekend was as good as it is possible for something like that to be. It has been a long series of events over the last year and a half. I am hoping for but not counting on a period where life assumes a mundane pace for a while. I feel like I have been given a barrage of experiences to help me understand more fully what is important and to spend my time on those things.

Nine months

As of today it has been nine months out of my big lung surgery. A lot went on leading up to that day and so much since then. It's hard to sort it all out.

An early autumn

Just yesterday I saw that some of the leaves on a tree near the library where I work have begun to change color already. On the drive home I noticed that some of the sumac trees along the side of the highway have begun to change as well.

I took a picture of the leaves on the tree by the library. Yesterday in the bright sun the colors were even more vibrant but today is a grey day.

Home from the memorial service

Connie and I arrived back from Jacksonville last night. The trip went as well as we could have hoped. We had a chance to spend a little time both with Barry's family and with Rick's family. We also met several people Barry had spoken about but that we had never met in person. All good and kind people.

From what I heard this weekend Barry faced more difficulties than I had ever imagined. He might sometimes have acknowledged that they were happening but he never complained.

People spoke beautifully at the service. The remarks were positive and hopeful - just as Barry wanted them to be. There were plenty of tears as well. That is as it should be. All part of a fitting tribute to someone who was taken away from us far too soon.

This weekend was difficult for everyone and everyone stepped up to that challenge.

There will be a service this Saturday, August 9 at 10:00 in the garden at St. John's United Church of Christ for those of us in the Baltimore area. I will be helping with that as much as I am needed.

In his blog posts, Barry always tried to end with something light so I'll try to do the same. Not twelve hours after I was out of town, my washing machine hot water hose burst and sprayed water all over the basement laundry area. It ran across the basement floor and out the garage door. I had been home for three weeks before that with the hernia surgery but the stupid hose waited just long enough to be sure I was hundreds of miles away before it popped. It evidently hadn't counted on my neighbors who stepped in and took care of things. A very lucky break for me. I bought new steel reinforced hoses this morning and will install them tonight. A minor problem but one I could have done without just now.

In Jacksonville

This week has been a blur with phone calls, arrangements, and a busy schedule at work. There are services for Barry in Jacksonville on August 3 (tomorrow) and in Baltimore on August 9. Barry's friend Connie and I had made plans to fly to Jacksonville to see him this weekend so we decided to come down for the service. We flew down last night. We'll see what we can do to help with things today andPublish Post will fly home after the service tomorrow.

Brokenhearted

My friend Barry died today. He had melanoma a few years ago and they thought that they had caught it in time. In May they found that it had come back very seriously. He went through surgery, treatment, paralysis and a host of other indignities and challenges since then. In all that time he was realistic and brave and positive. Barry lived a full life of rich experiences, great accomplishments and strong relationships, and as these last months passed it was clear that it was his ties with others that were the most important thing in his life. I have been blessed with dear friends and a wonderful family, and all who knew him would agree that there was no more close or constant friend than Barry. I wish and pray for peace for him. And I pray for comfort for all of us who loved him and who love him still.

Lawn work

Today my nephew John R. (John R. to help distinguish him from another nephew John F. and my brother who is also John F.) came by and mowed the lawn for me. I'm not supposed to do it for a few weeks yet. When he was done we had lunch and between us were able to
work our way through a challenging crossword from the newspaper. It was a fun time. And it's great to be going into the weekend knowing that the lawn has been taken care of!

Flowers - AGAIN!

Barry sent me flowers again. Today UPS brought an assorted bouquet including roses or assorted beautiful colors, some opulent orchids, chrysanthemums, carnations, lilies, and a sunflower. They're dazzling. I tried to arrange them so that at least one of each type shows up in the photo but I think I missed the lilies. I am overwhelmed by this.

Yikes

Well, a landmark day for me. I am sending in a check to join AARP. They've been mailing me for six months and I finally gave in.

A productive and fun visit

My brother Tom came up yesterday to visit and to help out with a few things around the house. He washed and waxed my car - it looks better than it has for a long time - and fixed the broken hinge on the center console between the two front seats. He also brought a chainsaw and cut up some big branches that fell out of the pine tree in my back yard. I might have been willing to let those branches sit there for months in normal circumstances but they were driving me crazy knowing that I wasn't allowed to cut them up myself. It's great to have them gone.

In the evening, Tom, my other brother John and my nephew John Ryan went out to a great Mexican restaurant that we hadn't tried before. The food was great although I think I might still be digesting it this morning!

A bit of a surprise

I was crowing to myself this morning that I am finally almost done with all these health things and I can kick back in on all sorts of things with a vengeance. Then I had a bowl of cereal (store brand Corn Chex equivalent - my favorite) and broke a tooth. Well, I don't know if it's broken, if a filling is falling out, or what but it's sore a bit and I'm afraid to mess with it. I have a dentist appointment for Monday afternoon. If it continues the way it is now, I shouldn't have any troubles until then.

Doesn't it just figure?

Cleared for takeoff - pretty much

I just got back from the appointment with my surgeon. That all went very well - except for the part when he peeled off the bandages with no warning. I guess warning wouldn't have helped. The hernia sites are looking good. They also removed a skin keratosis and the tests from that showed that it was nothing to worry about. I have now traded two odd belly bumps and a small ugly skin patch for three bright red incisions. Neither of those options is particularly attractive. The swelling around the incisions should go away over time. That's something to look forward to.

I'm supposed to be off work through next week while I do stretching and light exercise. I'm allowed to drive but have to be careful that I don't hit anything and cause the seat belt to yank at my incisions. So far in my life I have been pretty good about not hitting things with the car and I'll try to keep that up. I can't do heavy lifting or anything really strenuous for the next eight weeks. After that I should be able to consider myself done with this.

I will be able to do some work related stuff from home which will keep me from getting too far behind and from going insane with boredom.

There was one other interesting piece of info from today. I had been having pains in my right side for some time and had attributed this to recovery from that lung surgery last year. I noticed this week that they had stopped. It turns out that the pains were very likely caused by the hernias instead. They usually hit me at work in the afternoon after having been at a desk for a long time. I'll test the hernia theory when I return to work. I hope they don't come back. They made for some long and difficult afternoons.

Roses from the South

I have received a lot of support during this recent surgical experience. After last year and all the drama that surrounded it, this episode seemed to be a non-event. That has been true to a degree but some things have been a little more difficult than I had expected.

Last year I received a lot of food from my friends, family, and co-workers That was great and it probably accounted for the fact that I actually gained a few pounds in the weeks after the surgery. This time I have certainly received enough food to keep me tooling along, but I have also received surprising flowers. The first to arrive were the orchids that Barry sent. The next was a vase of bellflowers and lilies that came from Audra. A beautiful miniature rose from Sue was next. And today I received a delivery of spectacular multicolored roses from Barry. As all the people who work with me can bear witness, I’m partial to vases of multicolored roses and these are beautiful in yellow, pink, and a coral orange. Barry lives in Jacksonville – far south of here. By far, my favorite Strauss waltz is Roses from the South. I played it while trimming and arranging the roses. Now when I hear it, I will always think of Barry.

I’m including photos of the flowers below, and a video/sound clip of the Roses from the South waltz. They are all so beautiful.

Here is one of the Stargazer lilies from the flowers that Audra sent.
This is the miniature rose from Sue.
Here is the vase of roses that came today from Barry.

And here is a close-up of the roses.



Finally, here's a movie clip that I made this afternoon, combining pictures of the roses with the Roses from the South waltz. The sound and video quality aren't the best but if you haven't heard the waltz before, this is a start.

Off come the bandages

This evening I reached my 7 day mark so following the directions they gave me I peeled off the big plastic adhesive sheet and the gauze bandages that they had put on me. I was expecting to see a few little holes but I really do have incisions. They're still under thin white bandages. It's a little on the revolting side. Trying to think of something positive I guess I can say that they look like they should hurt more than they do.

Fun-filled activities

This morning was very nice. All the windows were open and it was raining steadily as the sun came up. I almost never get to lie in bed and listen to the rain.

I've been sitting around healing. That probably uses up energy but it doesn't seem so. My options seem to fall into certain categories.

Things I want to do but shouldn't:

• wash the car
• climb the tree in the front yard
• call, text, IM or email friends who are supposed to be working
• sweep the front walk
• work in the garden

Things I have learned to avoid:

• leaving the loud, startling alarm clock too far from the bed
• trying to jump out of the chair to get the phone
• tripping over things

Things I should be doing but don't want to do:

• organize photographs
• pay bills and file papers
• read books that are good for me
• read work email and do work projects

Things that are left:

• do online crosswords and sudokus
• watch brainless TV
• sleep
• wake up and watch the cat sleep

Actually, I did sort though a mess of folders full of electronic music files today. That was tedious but I'm glad it's done. I know that the goal of this whole recuperation period is to make sure that I don't pop a stitch so my innards will stay in. I'm hoping to have something else to show for the time, though.

Saturday night into Sunday

Sue came by this morning and brought a pretty miniature rose and an array of food and treats - some to eat now and some to keep in the bank for later. She also brought some DVDs and we sat and watched one about Zion National Park. We had a good time.

Last night was a long boring night. I’m trying to fill today with more activities and fewer naps. I've been able to cut out most of the heavy-duty pain pills. That should help. Last night I was puttering around the house in the middle of the night and noticed this little image in the water marks on a cabinet in the living room. It captured my mood at the moment.


Here’s something on the lighter side. Last year I was staying in Washington for the American Library Association conference. In the parking lot next to the hotel they had decorated some of the concrete-lined drainage channels with colored glass. The colors were shades of blue and green with little bits of amber. A lot of the glass had come loose and washed down to a low spot. I collected some of the glass pieces each time I walked by. Today (over a year later) I sorted through them to remove all the pieces of gravel and other extraneous items and then rinsed the glass pieces in soapy water to clean them up. I don’t really have a brainy idea for what to do with them but they look good in a white dish in the kitchen.

Oink and Zzzzzzzzz

The highlight of today was when Cindy brought by chicken kebobs (which she had de-kebobed) with brownies and candy. I ate way too much of that for dinner.

I don't know what was going on but I ended up sleeping most of the day away. Of course it's 11:30 p.m. now and I'm wide awake. Luckily I have some DVDs and books in stock. When I got cable TV people told me that there was often nothing interesting to watch but I didn't believe it. Turns out they were right.

Saturday morning

There was a beautiful sunrise yesterday and again today. This morning I thought I'd take a walk down to the river. Not long into the trip I could feel a lot of tugging at my various incisions so I decided to give it up for today. It might have been nothing but I didn't want to do any damage. It seemed better to wait a bit longer for this. that'll make for another quiet day at home.

Mary Jo stopped by yesterday afternoon. That was fun. She brought some exceptionally good cherries. She also bought a cool LED light up thing that I had mentioned to her. I spent some time this morning playing with that. If we were sick when we were kids my mother would sometimes let us pick out a toy at the drug store while we waited for a prescription to be filled. It was fun to get a sick toy again yesterday!

A rude awakening

This morning my little cat Sam decided it was breakfast time and jumped up on my stomach to let me know. That was a nasty surprise. I'll be using those ice packs today. They help with swelling and they provide a buffer against those pointy cat feet.

An uneventful day

This day passed without incident. I got a few work projects completed and then dozed for part of the day. Sleep is a good pain control mechanism. I did take a shower which will be good news for any visitors who might stop by. My brother John (whose birthday is today) recommended that I wait until the pain pills had worn off before showering. That was a good idea. It reduced the probability that I would be loopy and fall over and brain myself. The hardest part about showering was taking off my socks. That required a lot of bending and they seemed very far away. It all worked out, though.

I had several phone calls which was nice. Aside from those it has been a very quiet day. My days are often busy so this was a welcome change. We'll see what tomorrow brings. More of the same, I expect.

Ouch

Yesterday's prediction turned out to be true. I'm SORE this morning. It's not terrible, just worse than it was yesterday. The night went well enough thanks again to the snappy folding chair that I got with the gift card from one of my book groups last fall. It was a lifesaver after the surgery in November, too. The people at the surgery center gave me some very handy ice packs. I've been going through ice at a good clip.

All of those years in Catholic school are paying off now. It hurts to bend over. It's much easier to go down on one knee to get something on the floor or out of a lower cabinet.

It looks like this will be a low key day, sitting or lying around with my ice pack on my stomach.

Home again

I'm home. My brother John just brought me here after stopping to pick up a few items and the prescription for pain pills. All seems to have gone well. I feel pretty good although the local anesthesia hasn't worn off yet. I may be singing a different tune later in the evening.

The news seems to be all good.

A busy morning and then off I go

I am having a busy morning. Since I don't have to leave the house until mid-morning I have been puttering around trying to get a few last minute things done. I cut up a watermelon, neatened and swept the back porch, did a load of laundry, vacuumed the house, changed the cat litter, and made chicken soup so far. I think I must be a bit more jumpy about this procedure than I thought. It' not a big deal by any means but I'll be glad when this part is over with and I can take advantage of all this prep work by sitting around and watching brainless judge shows on TV.

Orchids from Barry

This evening when I got home from work I found a box of flowers on my front porch. Barry had sent orchids. I have never received orchids before. They're beautiful. And there were a lot of them. I was able to fill five vases. Here's a photo.

I'm not very good at flower arranging but it was hard to go wrong with these. I'll place them here and there in the house. What a great surprise.

An unexpected development

Well, I was hopping about at work trying to get some important things done when all of a sudden the lights flickered and the building went dark. We should be without power through the end of the work day. If all had gone as expected I would have left here today without too many looming deadlines. Too bad about that. As I heard someone say one time, if you want to prove that God has a sense of humor just tell Him you have plans.

I'll devote some time to neatening my desk and office. Opportunities to do that don't present themselves very often.

Update as of 2:15. Grrr. The power just came back on. I had just come to terms with the fact that I'd have to let some things go undone. Now I'm going to have to gear back up.

Indigo bunting

This morning I had a lot to do so I took a walk instead. I'm supposed to be doing that so it wasn't really goofing off. At one point I saw a bird that was a deep, brilliant blue. I think it must have been an indigo bunting. I've heard of these but had never seen one. It was very beautiful.

When I got home I balanced the checkbook and paid bills before leaving for work. I'll be stepping quickly to get things done there. On my way home I'll stop by the food store for a few last-minute items and then I'll mow the lawn. We're supposed to get rain but with luck it will hold off until after that. I'll putter about the house for the rest of the evening. It's good to have way too many small jobs to do this evening. That'll keep me busy.

Barry goes home today. It's hard to believe that it has been six weeks. He has been on my mind a lot today. I hope all goes well.

Cat prep

One week after my last surgery, Sam the cat developed urinary problems and started peeing on things. Not good timing. My friend Jim was staying with me and he took the cat and me to the emergency vet. He had signed on to watch me but the cat care feature was a surprise to us both. Since then Sam has been on special, pricey food to keep this problem from happening again. I just realized this morning that I'm low on supplies. I'll be dropping by the vet on the way home today to lay in a supply. I'd prefer not to have a repeat of that last post-surgery midnight run.

A moment

I was sitting at my desk at home just now compiling web usage statistics to include in my department monthly report. (My work life is a nonstop run of glamour and excitement such as this.) I happened to look out the window to see a very fine spider web being lifted lightly in the breeze. It's a large web and stretches from one tree to another. It's a misty, quiet morning and I am at an angle to see the web from the edge. It wouldn't be visible at all in brighter light or from a different angle. It looks like the lightest of bed sheets hung out on the line to dry. And as I was typing that last sentence a little hummingbird stopped by the window box outside the same window, just for an instant.

I heard Garrison Keillor reading a poem by Mary Oliver on the radio the other day where she talked about the things she saw on a summer afternoon. In it, she said that her role was to be only a witness to these things. That rang true to me.

Eight months ago

Wow, it's hard to believe that it was eight months ago that I was in the hospital. It seems so long ago now. Today I spent some time getting ready for my next episode. This hernia thing seems so small by comparision that I have had a hard time gearing up for it. This weekend I finally kicked in and got some things done. As Jack Flanders says in the thrilling radio serial, The Fourth Tower of Inverness, I was overreacting at freak out level. It helped though. I'm more prepared now that I had been before. Still lots to do but I'll get it all done - as far as home is concerned. I still have a lot of outstanding things going on at work. I'll be scrambling over the next two days to get them ironed out so that I'll be able to take it easy at least on those first few days.

At my pre-op physical I had to pick up an insurance referral form so that I could set up my next follow-up appointment with the lung surgeon. The hernia surgery will be performed by a different surgeon. Never did I think that I'd be able to use phrases like, "one of my surgeons" or "my other surgeon." That's a little odd.

Goodbye to Yuri

It looks like the heat was too much for Yuri. He had been hanging on for some time although his head was getting steadily smaller. Yesterday I saw that his head was completely deflated. His neck is tied tightly so it doesn’t look like there’s any way to rejuvenate him. It’s goofy but I’m going to miss Yuri. He was an entertaining and constant companion.


He doesn’t look good now so I suppose I’ll have to let him go. I think I held onto some of those purple gloves, though, so I may try to resurrect him. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’ll be remembering him as he was.

Pre-op physical

I went for my pre-op physical yesterday. That went well. I seem to be in good enough shape for this surgery. My doctor is a hoot. My weight is up three pounds from my last visit and I told him that I hoped to be able to get more exercise once this current episode is past. I said that there was a time when I had very low body fat. He just said, "Those days are gone and they're not coming back." I just burst out laughing. He was taking my blood pressure at the time and I got a better reading than I had gotten in a long time. I think the good belly laugh brought down the ol' BP.

I realized yesterday afternoon that I only have three workdays left before I go in. I have a lot to accomplish in those days so I'm really going to have to kick up. Sometimes it's hard to keep up the pace.

In other and more important news, Barry made his home evaluation yesterday from the rehab facility. He hadn't been back to his house in over a month. The visit and evaluation went well. He was so happy when I spoke to him last night.

Gearing up

Today I am trying to get things ready that I won't be able to do while I'm out of commission. I'm way behind on pruning and trimming so I did some of that and I also decided to clean the gutters. That was an adventure. The roof was really hot in the middle of the day so I waited a few hours for the shade from the trees to hit most of it. The gutters were jammed with pine needles and other debris. I hadn't cleaned them out since last fall . That all went very well until right at the end when I stirred up a nest of wasps. They only got me once. A few years ago I had an allergic reaction to a hornet sting so I spent a little time after the wasp episode sitting there with my Benadryl, long-expired epinephrine syringe, and a phone to call 911. Nothing happened but it was an exciting moment. I'll spent some time today cleaning up part of the yard, hoisting the giant cat litter buckets upstairs next to the litterbox, and doing other similarly exciting things.

Time off from work

Well, I got my official form from the surgeon today. I will be off from work from July 9 to approximately July 31. Aieee! That's a long time. I'm going to have to cook up some activities to keep myself busy. I've thought of doing things like going through all my digital photos to organize and weed them down. That sounds interesting now, of course, but it may not be nearly as attractive when it comes time to actually wade in and do it. The other day I read the little hernia surgery booklet that they gave me and I looked up hernia surgery pictures on the web. That was not a brainy thing to do. I'm well-informed at any rate.

A sore day

I was sore a lot yesterday. That was surprising. I had played a little badminton and a little pool volleyball on Sunday evening and I was surprised how much it ached on Monday. This isn't a big deal but it's very annoying and made it just a little difficult to concentrate on things at work. We're finishing up a fiscal year/project year so not concentrating at the job isn't one of the options. I'll need to step up the exercise plan a bit so that this sort of minor exercise doesn't cause trouble again. Of course, all of that will have to go on hold again in July when I have my fun-filled hernia experience. As I said in a previous post - Grrrrr.

A low key day

This was one of those days that passes quietly and without peaks or valleys. Another one that is summed up by the poem Weariness by Sara Teasdale. I rolled that out back in November so I won't restate it now. I started by trying to go geocaching but the place that I selected seems to have been a hub for exuberant mountain bikers on Sunday mornings. I decided to try another location but my GPS device wigged out at that moment and wouldn't recover. I took that to be a sign and just headed home. For the rest of hte day I puttered in the house and watched movies. I had been sitting on "Into the Wild" which was good but maybe not the best choice for a low-energy day. I have had a busy run lately and have been scrambling to keep up. That pace isn't likely to change in the near future so I'm grateful for the hours this afternoon when I could extract myself from the mix. I need to be ready to sparkle and put on the show again tomorrow morning.

When the world really changes

Barry got bad news yesterday when he met with his oncologist. He is accepting and working through it in a way that is typical of his strength, sensitivity, and intellect. In doing this, he is making it easier for the rest of us to absorb and accept this information, too. I admire him so much for that.

River stones

I stepped up the walk today and added a bit more to it. Walking through Ellicott City early in the morning is very pretty. There was a lot of mist in the distance in the valley this morning. When I got to the river, there were some additions to the towers of stones in the river. While I was on the bridge the train came by. For the first time since I have been doing this it came from the other direction. I realized at that moment how superstitious I am. I couldn't help wondering if it meant something. If so, I hope it's good news.

Getting back on track

When I talked to Barry last night he reminded me that I have follow-up tests and appointments to make. With all that has been going on, I had let the planning for that slide. I need to get them out of the way so that I can be ready for my next exciting episode with the hernia. I will kick in today to get all those things pulled together, planned and scheduled. I realize that I just haven't wanted to think about it lately. This is probably a combination of avoidance and a naturally short attention span. I'm also kicking back in on the Tubby Tote Board (at the bottom of the sidebar on the right). I have seen negative progress in that direction so I'll wipe it clean and re-commit to that as well today.

Back from Jacksonville

I'm back from Jacksonville. It was wonderful to see Barry. We sat and talked a lot. He is being at once brave, courageous, determined and realistic. Visitors came and went both days that I was there. Today the room was jammed at times. It was good to have the chance to meet some of his friends there. I will check tomorrow to see when I can plan another trip down there. I'm so glad that I went.

Away for the weekend

Evidently I had enough anxiety over the events of last year that I had been grinding my teeth. I managed to break out three separate fillings. I had one replaced the other day and yesterday I had another visit to the dentist and he did the other two. It's exciting to be able to chew on both sides now.

This evening I'll be leaving to visit my friend Barry in Jacksonville for the weekend. My friend Jim is going down with me. It will be so good to see Barry in person. We have been in touch quite a lot over the last weeks by phone and email but it's not the same as being there.

Surprising art - with a surprise

In the winter when was driving to work I noticed that someone had made a small tower of river stones, a cairn, near at the river's edge. It is a surprising little piece of natural art. Yesterday when I was driving home and crossing the river bridge I noticed that someone had made several of them just upstream from the bridge. I don't know if it was the same person - or people - or not. They were very striking in their way.

This morning I took my camera with me when I walked down to the river. The photo I got isn't the best. The morning light reflecting off the water created too much contrast. I'm including it anyway. As I was taking the photos I noticed that one of the cairns wasn't stone at all but was actually a blue heron. Maybe he felt comfortable there among all the standing stones. It was difficult at first to spot him. You can click on either of the pictures below for a larger view - the top one if you want to try to spot the heron yourself, or the bottom one if you want to see it without searching. As I said, they aren't the best photos but they certainly captured the moment for me. A surprising piece of art with an additional surprise.

A graduation weekend

I have been away from work for a few days for my nephew's graduation. It was an occasion for a lot of family to visit. There were a lot of events and gatherings and it was great to see everyone.
A great time. Too bad it happened on the first 100 degree weekend of the year, though! The graduation was Saturday night with a cookout/party on Sunday. I'm including two photos. One is of the clouds I saw on the way into the graduation. We rarely get that sort of dramatic sky. The other is of my nephew Joe and his father (my brother, John) at the party. The photo was taken in John and Jennie's barn. They're holding a memory quilt that Jennie's sister Julie made for Joe from his old t-shirts, sports uniforms, etc. She does a wonderful job with those.

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Monthly landmark day

It's June 6. It was eight months ago that I had that surgery. I still get out of breath sometimes and I get a twinge now and then but aside from that I really don't have much remaining ill effect from that. It seems so long ago.

A bigger landmark happened last night and it wasn't mine. Barry called to say that for the first time since his surgery he was able to walk a bit. This was wonderful news.

Event prep

I'm getting ready for a nephew graduation weekend extravaganza featuring visiting relatives, the graduation itself, an afternoon cookout celebration and an assortment of other activities. I've been getting the house ready so that my sister can stay with me. By "getting the house ready" I really mean just dusting, vacuuming, and neatening the place up enough that you don't have to kick your way through stuff to get across the living room floor. I'm trying to keep up at work at the same time. We have a lot going on there.

In my mind all the time is my friend Barry. I hate that he has to go through all these things. I speak to him regularly on the phone and it's wonderful to hear his voice. Next week I get to go down to Florida to see him. I'm looking forward to that.

Kayaking yesterday

I had a lot to do yesterday when I got home from work but it was so beautiful that I took my kayak out on the river instead. That proved to be a good choice. There were very few people out yesterday and it was a very quiet and serene way to spend the afternoon. I saw baby geese, a snake, several deer, lots of fish the usual mallard ducks and for the first time in my life some wood ducks - a mother and several babies. The river valley was once a major transportation route. The railroad still follows the river but the roads are abandoned now. Some very well built stone bridges and culverts remain, though. I'm including some photos here. There's a road bridge/culvert, a picture of the river, and a snappy shot of a deer who seemed more curious than skittish as I floated by.

Here we go again

Well, in the annoying medical news category, I have a hernia. To be more accurate I have two of them. Grrr. I did a lot of coughing during the first six months of last year with pneumonia and an assortment of other respiratory problems that led up to my tumor diagnosis. Not to be too blunt about it but evidently I coughed my guts out. They are the easy-to-fix kind and plans for that are in the works. Compared to last year, and compared to what others are going through now, this is an absolute non-event. Still, I was surprised to hear that I should expect to be out of work for two to three weeks. I didn't think it would take that long. All of this is scheduled to occur in mid-July. I'll be glad to get it out of the way. If this had come up last year I probably would have been emoting up a storm about it. It's interesting how your perspective can change.

Off to a new topic. Yesterday afternoon I went out into the back yard to see how some potted plants were doing. to my surprise, there was a big ol' toad sitting in one of them. He kept very still, pretending to be a rock, I suppose. I took his picture. When I went back about half an hour later he was gone. Toads are supposed to be evidence of a healthy environment. Since I don't use many lawn and garden chemicals, I guess I've earned the toad seal of approval. Here's the photo. Click on it for a larger view.

Baby ducks

About five weeks ago I saw a mother duck and her babies down at the river. She had a full dozen baby ducks to look after. I haven't seen them again until this morning. It was amazing how much they had grown. By looking at them it was hard to tell which one was the mother - but by watching them you could tell who was in charge.

It's a beautiful morning. The roses and the peonies are blooming in everyone's yard and the air has a scent that is sometimes light and sometimes intoxicating.

Frivolity and seriousness

Last night I went to my brother's house where we sheared his one sheep. That poor sheep. We are truly terrible at this. This year we tried to do better. I had studied videos that I had gotten from other libraries and had watched several YouTube videos. We had also watched the sheep shearing demonstration a the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. Mostly all that did was intimidate me. Nevertheless, we forged ahead and today the sheep has less wool on her than she had yesterday. She's no showpiece but she'll be more comfortable this summer. As a side benefit, my hands are silky soft because of all that lanolin.

As I was getting ready for work, I saw a hummingbird at the weigelia bush in the back yard. Just at that moment, the phone rang. It was my friend Barry who had just received some crushing medical news. I'm still in a dazed state of semi-denial after speaking with him and am trying to think of any way to be of help. The phone call made the other lighthearted features of the day seem very frivolous. Still, it reminded me that those brief wonderful or fun moments are to be remembered and cherished. We never know how many of them will be allowed to us.

The worst, most beautiful days

The past few days have been among some of the most beautiful I can ever remember. Breezy, cool, and crystal clear. At the same time they have been some of the worst days. My friend Barry has had a recurrence of melanoma and had to have some difficult surgery this week. I have known Barry for 33 years and he was very supportive and consoling to me during my health problems last year. I hate it that he has to face this and hope that I can be as supportive for him as he has been for me.

We set up a blog for Barry to keep people up to date on his progress. He has been posting on it regularly. That web address is http://barryw.blogspot.com.

About prayer

I have been praying lately for people I know who are facing serious health challenges. I do this a lot but rarely as intensely as today. It seems foolish in a way to do this. I doubt that God is sitting around waiting for me to make suggestions for how He should proceed with things. At the same time it's impossible for me not to do it. Maybe the plan is for me to pray, to meditate, to come to a deeper understanding. I can't help but think that if we all show that we're trying very hard to learn the lesson set before us, then just maybe this test will pass us by.

Saturday morning - a wood thrush

I have had a very busy run of it lately with lots of competing deadlines. I managed to jump through a lot of hoops and wrap up several of them last week. I have always gotten myself into situations like that and am going to work not to have that happen again. I have said that a lot in the past but last year's event brought this into high focus. I don't want to get into situations where I'm wishing parts of my life to be over with. This came back into my mind Saturrday morning when I as I was just waking up. I heard the song of a wood thrush and it reminded me that I hadn't taken time to savor the beauty of the days as I should. Wood thrushes are birds of the forest and aren't often heard in the suburbs where I live. I hear them often when I am out hiking or in my kayak but this was only the second time that I have heard one in my neighborhood. They have the clearest, most flute-like song. I have a sound file of a wood thrush song and added photos from a kayaking afternoon to make this movie.

Running around at a conference

I'm spending the last few days of the week in Ocean City (Maryland) at a conference. It has been successful so far. I have several assignments here and have to present at a session tomorrow. I'll be able to relax once I have pulled off that show. I'm looking forward to that.


I'm lucky enough to be in a room with a few of the ocean. This is great. I took a phone picture of the sunrise this morning. That was a good plan. It turns out that it will probably be cloudy and rainy for the rest of the week. The room is close enough to the ocean to hear the waves on the beach all night. That's wonderful. Here's that sunrise photo.

Walking in the rain

We have been having monsoon-like rains over the last several days. This morning the river was raging. The morning had "stay in bed" written all over it but I decided to head out on a walk anyway. It was very interesting. I'm glad I have that very waterproof raincoat, though.

This week will be a scramble with a million looming deadlines. Once it is over, though, I hope to make good on my resoultion to manage both my time and my workload better. We'll see how that goes.