A thought for the end of the year

I bought a greeting card recently when I was in New York. It has a quote from Einstein that reads,

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I love that thought. I always lean toward the "everything is a miracle" side of things. I'm glad of that. It makes the days more enjoyable and interesting.

Whenever you read a quote like that, they never give you the source. I've come upon many "so and so once said..." quotes that are obviously foklore but people just keep passing them along. In this case, there's an excellent attribution on the wikiquote site. What I read there was much what could be expected. It seems as if Einstein said this or something like it but it's also possible that he may have been repeating something originally said by someone else. I like this thought and attributing it to Einstein gives it more punch so I'm choosing to believe that it came from him.

In touch with nature

It was a beautiful weekend. I didn't get outside as much as I had hoped. There were too many other things to do. I still had a few interesting encouters with nature. I stepped out onto my back porch just as dawn was breaking on Sunday morning to find four deer looking back at me. They were hanging around back there and seemed very unimpressed by me. Then, while we looked at each other, a big and healthy fox came bounding out of the bushes, took a route through the group of deer, and then trotted under the red maple tree and away through the neighbor's yard. The deer didn't take much notice of that either and eventually divided into two sets of two and ambled away.

My other wildlife experience was to see a blue heron again this morning down along the river as I was walking. I have been taking those walks before dawn lately and haven't seen a heron for months. They might be there but I can't spot them. This morning one was right by the bridge and flew away as I approached. It's good to know that they're still in the area.

And finally, this was the weekend for the red maple to put on a show. It's usually a tawny burgundy color but for a few brief days in autumn it becomes a brilliant, pure red. In the late afternoon light it makes an arresting sight. I took these three photos yesterday afternoon. I think these are striking but even they don't capture the experience completely.

This is such a beautiful time of year.

Three years

It's hard to believe that it could be true, but it was three years ago today that I had my surgery to remove my lung tumor. Since I started this blog to keep people posted on my progress, I can't let this day pass without mentioning it. Three years. It's difficult to remember all the details now. Some seem so recent that it could have been yesterday. Other parts of that experience feel as if they had happened long, long ago.

I was surprised today to see a flower delivery van outside the house. I was even more surprised when the flowers turned out to be for me. They came from my sister and brother-in-law. They sent them to me to celebrate this landmark day. What a glorious surprise! I'm including a photo of them below. I like typical autumn colors, of course, but for flowers I'm more partial to the brighter colors of spring and summer like these.


The cat is featured in the picture. She's very fascinated by flowers or greenery of any kind. I had to move these out of her reach.

A lot has changed for me in three years. I do notice a significant limitation in lung capacity. That's not really a surprise but I thought I might be doing better than this by now. I think the doctors were trying so hard to reassure me that I'd have sufficient lung left to get through the day that they made it sound as if I wouldn't notice a difference at all. I do have plenty of lung left. At my most recent visit to the pulmonologist, he told me that my oxygen saturation was over 95% and that I am doing well enough that i don't need ot go back to him ever again - unless some new unpleasant thing develops. I'm so glad to have made it to this point so smoothly.

This was a typically beautiful autumn day. I took the picture below from my kitchen window just a few minutes ago. I enjoy looking at that tree as the seasons pass. It stands so much higher than anything that surrounds it. That puts it at greater risk of wind and weather damage but it continues to thrive.

Assorted good news

My birthday was two days ago. I had a wonderful day filled with celebrations and well wishes. I got some good news from my doctor, too, who had sent me for an assortment of kidney function tests. They all came out fine. And today I had a visit with my pulmonologist. He said that my lung capacity has increased a little since a year ago. He said that that was probably because I had lost weight and it would increase a little more if I continue on this path - which is my plan. According to his records I am down 9 pounds since last year. That's not a lot but I only really started this campaign in August.

He also told me that my oxygen absorption rate has gone up from about 80% to 97% since last year. That was really good news to me. I still have less lung capacity than I did before - since I have less lung to work with - but it's good to know that it's working well. He told me that improvement like this is to be expected after surgery. he also told me that I seem to be where I should be at this point in the process and that I don't need to come back unless something bad - and unanticipated - comes up. I'm very happy about this. He's a very encouraging and kind man but I welcome the idea of not having to go back. One more part of this whole saga that is completed. I've been working with this doctor for three years. It's amazing to think back over that time and think of all that has happened, how much I have learned, and how my understanding of things both medical and non-medical has deepened since it all began.

I haven't tagged one of these posts as a medical update in a long time this counts as one. A happy development today.

A walk along the river

I was out for a meeting yesterday afternoon. It ended early and I planned to head home and plow through work email for the rest of the workday. It was so beautiful outside that I put myself down for a couple of hours of vacation time instead and took a walk.
I went to the Daniels area of Patapsco State Park. It's not far from my house and I sometimes take my kayak there to paddle up the river.

On foot, my favorite route there is to take a path along a ridge that meets the river about a mile upstream and then return along the riverbank. There are several stands of tall tulip poplars along that route. They seem to do well in the hollows between the hills. On windy days, which yesterday was not, it's fun to watch them sway back and forth.

I usually come upon deer in the woods and along the river I'll sometimes see turtles or frogs and occasionally a beaver. There are always geese. I think people feed them because when you get close to them they swim out to the middle of the river but then hang around and watch you. It's late enough in the year that they wouldn't be protecting a nest so I assume they're hoping for a handout.

The light along that part of the river is always good in the late afternoon but it's best at this time of year. Yesterday evening I was there early enough that there were very few other people around. Taking those hours off was a good decision.

Early September

Well, it's early September already. This year is flying by in a way I've never experienced before. All of the signs of the coming autumn are showing themselves. When I go walking in the morning the constellation Orion is clearly visible in the sky. I go very early and at the same time each day. It's interesting to watch how Orion began close to the horizon and now it's high in the sky. This morning I started to learn the names of the stars in Orion. I'm impressed by people who can identify the stars.

It's interesting too, to see how the colors of the landscape have changed - slightly but definitely. All summer the fields and woods were almost the same shade of green. Now there are differences. There are deep greens, pale greens and yellow or brown greens. It's as if everything wants to show its individual identity before fading completely for the winter.

The animals I see in the morning are changing, too. In midsummer I see groups of deer. I've seen as many as seven at a time. Now I see mostly only solitary ones. And there are owls calling in the woods now. I see foxes regularly. That hasn't changed. They're always alone, although you can sometimes hear them barking as each other. This morning I saw one that was just playing in the grass by itself. He headed for the woods when he saw me but he wasn't in a hurry. There have been groups of ducks most of the summer huddled in a quiet, shallow spot in the river but I haven't seen them lately. It has been so dry that the river level is too low for them now.

I do see one cat in the same spot each morning. She just sits and watches me stroll by. I say hello to her every morning that we see each other. That's one of the advantages of walking very early in the morning. Nobody hears you when you're talking to a cat or a deer or a fox. And don't ask me why the fox is a he and the cat is a she. That's what feels right. I certainly don't know for sure.

In other news, I'm having a little success in the weight loss campaign. I'm down about six pounds. It's not noticeable as far as I can tell but someone did ask if I had lost weight. That gave me more motivation to stick with this. I still have a ton of weight to lose but I'm just going to chip away at it a little at a time. One plus is that I'm saving a fortune on lunches at work. It's pretty cheap to pack a lunch made up of a container of yogurt and a few rice cakes.

Second half of summer

I'm on a campaign to lose weight. I've been loading it on for the past several years a little at a time and it has finally gotten to me. I'm hoping that my enthusiasm for this will hold. Many times it hasn't. Over the weekend I spent a little time observing people and I noticed how much easier daily things are for those who are thin. I've never been thin but I've never been this heavy. It's time to kick in with a weight loss campaign. we'll see how this goes. If I am to reach my real goal weight according to all the charts, I need to lose about 50 pounds. I'd settle for 30.

We are definitely in the second half of summer now. The roadside blue and white combination of Queen Anne's lace and chicory has given over to the gold and pink of black eyed Susan, goldenrod and Joe-pye weed. It's hard to believe that we're in mid-August already.

Back to walking

With the torn Achilles tendon I had stopped taking morning walks. Even though the doctor told me that I was healed enough to go back to normal activity, I had fallen off that morning routine. I started back to it again today. It was a good morning for a walk. We had some heavy rain yesterday and it cooled down quite a lot though the night. In the pre-dawn hour, the misty air created quite a serene feeling. I saw a few deer and some foxes. At one point, two foxes ran across the road in the distance. One seemed to be chasing the other. I heard them barking a few moments after that. It's not mating season so either it was a territory battle or just a couple of chums playing around. It was interesting to see in any case.

I am going to try to stick with the morning walks now that I started again. I realize that I do some of my best thinking when I'm out early in the morning with no distractions. It's a good way to start the day.

Surgeon follow-up

I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon today. All went well. There is always someone who does a preliminary exam and then the surgeon comes in and has a second look. They reviewed my CT scan images and report, examined and re-examined me, listened to my lungs and felt around for new tumors. At one point they asked me if I had noticed any new masses in my armpits. I said that I hadn't. Mostly I wanted to say that if I had found something I would probably have mentioned it without having to be asked. They're all very kind there. I don't think I present much of an interesting challenge for them. I'm glad of that.

I have now progressed to the point that I won't see the surgeon himself at my next appointment. I'll meet with some of the doctors on his team. They all seem remarkably competent (while being annoyingly young) so I know I'll be in good hands. So, now I'm officially documented at the two and a half year point. That's a good feeling.

Halfway there

It was two and a half years ago today that I had surgery to remove the lung tumor. They talk a lot about a five year survival rate so I'm halfway there. This is a big landmark for me but not as big as it would be for some people. My tumor was less threatening and virulent than most.

Still, I got a letter from the hospital this week inviting me to a cancer survivor event. It's hard for me to think of myself in that light. I'm grateful that things are going so well.

I'll try to make the most of this day and spend my time on the really important things. One of those things was watching the sunrise. It was beautiful this morning.

Locust flowers

The weather has been a roller coaster ride lately. We have gone from frost warnings to the mid nineties in the span of a couple of days. Sunday was hot and steamy, followed by a drenching rain overnight and cooler temperatures today. All of this came just as the black locust trees were blooming. There is another type of locust tree that grows in this area. It's the honey locust. Even with that name I can't imagine how they could smell any sweeter than the black locusts.

They are exceptionally laden with flowers this year, maybe because of the regular rains we had this spring. As the moist air cooled this evening, it was filled with the scent of the locus flowers. One of my fondest childhood memories is the smell of the locusts blooming in the woods behind our house.

This is one stage in the parade of scents that comes with spring in this area. The daffodils, hyacinths and lilacs have come and gone. Now the locusts will have a few days in the spotlight alongside the lily of the valley. They'll be followed by peonies, the roses and finally the wild honeysuckle. I love this time of year.

Trouble all around me

Back when I was sick I was the one with the biggest problem. That is so far from true now. It seems that everywhere around me people are having trouble. There are medical, legal and financial issues as well as employment and family problems. I have been trying to think of things to do to help. It's difficult to come up with anything substantial. It's frustrating to be powerless to make a real difference. I will do what I can.

Easter and magnolias

It's Easter morning. This has always been my most important religious/spiritual day of the year. I love to get up early on Easter morning and spend some time in quiet reflection and gratitude. In recent years the word Christian has begun to have as much a political meaning as a religious one. That saddens me because my political and social opinions are often not in line with that more conservative view. Christianity has taken on a reputation for being judgmental and restrictive. To me it always will be a faith of understanding, acceptance, and love.

I took a long walk this morning as the sun was coming up. This was the first time I have done that since the doctor told me that my Achilles tendon had healed. It was a perfect way to welcome Easter. The sky was beautiful as the sun came up and the air was filled with the scent of spring flowers and the songs of birds.

The magnolias were in full flower this morning. In many years, they get bitten back by a late frost. This year they seem to have thrived on both the deep cold and the branch-breaking snow we had this winter. They are spectacular.

I'm off to start on the preliminary preparation for Easter dinner for my family now. I am very grateful for this day.

Foot news

I got good news today about my torn Achilles tendon. It's not completely healed but it is much better and has been improving steadily. I saw the doctor this morning and he gave me the all-clear to resume regular activities. I'll have to pay attention to it in case it acts up again. That shouldn't be hard. That thing really hurts when there's a problem so I won't hae any trouble noticing it.

I'm going to take a long walk tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to that already.

Geese overhead

Twice yesterday I heard geese flying by. The first time it was light enough to see them, in a V formation, far above. The second time it was after sunset and I could only hear their voices in the distance.

When I was growing up, the geese would fly over our house each spring and fall. As soon as we heard them my mother would stop whatever she was doing and we would go outside to watch them fly by. This is one of my of my favorite memories.

I will always stop what I'm doing to watch the geese fly overhead. It reminds me to take time to appreciate the world and beauty that surrounds me, and it's a way of honoring the person who taught me to do that.

Ash Wednesday

It's Ash Wednesday. Lent is always a good time for me to take stock and make some personal improvements. This usually means that I'll be looking at my failed New Year's resolutions and giving them another try.

This year I have a list of various things that I hope to do daily. Some are as simple as making sure the dishes are done before I go to bed. Others are a more demanding and cerebral. Lent is good for this sort of thing since the religious tone adds an extra threat of guilt for not making good on my plans.

In the past we all tried to give up things for Lent. Lately the focus is to do something positive rather than give something up. I am following the positive action course this year but I did also decide to give up alcohol. That doesn't seem to be too much to ask. I've done it in the past and it's socially difficult but, luckily, not physically so! Of course when I made this vow I decided to book St. Patrick's Day as a free day. That seems only fair.

I have fallen out of the habit of posting here. Recently I read back over some past entries and I was glad to have the record that they provided. I will try to get back to the routine of posting regularly.

In the last week we have had two blizzards. The first left about 30" of snow. The second was only 8-12". More is predicted in a few days. The snow amounts have broken records and I'm glad that I was here to see it. Everyone is tired of snow now, of course, and we still have plenty of winter to go. In the past, it usually warmed up here after a big snow so that it didn't hang around for long. That hasn't been the case here. It was cold, is cold, and is predicted to stay cold. The snow is not going away. I slogged up the low hill behind my house today and saw that there is quite a load of snow on the roof. My roof pitch is not steep. There have been some roof collapses in the area and I don't want my house to be one of them. If I can, I'm going to clear some of the snow off the roof before the next wave comes. Here are a few photos:

A view from my back porch. The snow is so deep that it's difficult to wade through it.

The front of my house after the driveway was cleared.

The light under the spruce tree in the front of the house.

Tracks left by birds in the light snow that drifted onto my back porch.
I leave seed out for them every morning.