Two years today

It was two years ago today that I went in for surgery on the tumor in my lung. What a lot is different since then. And what a lot is the same. I haven't improved myself nearly as much as I had vowed to do. Personal change is harder than I realized.

This week I have been trying to help a dear friend who lost her brother to a sudden illness. It's difficult to do much of real substance but I tried to offer help where I could. The way her family rallied round him reminded me of the way my family and friends were with me when I was sick. I will be working to spend the day with a feeling of gratitude for all that has been given to me. I have been doing that more consistently lately but not as much as I would like. Landmarks such as this week has brought remind me how important it is to maintain that awareness. It lets me make the best of the time I have here.

Spring flowers in autumn

There are some crabapple trees alongside the short walkway that runs from the building where I work to the parking garage. They bloom beautifully in the spring and are covered with red fruit in the fall. Whoever picked them as a landscaping feature made a good choice.

One of the trees isn't doing as well as the others and this year it seemed to get picked on by tent caterpillars, too. As I was walking to the office the other day, I noticed that it had put out one small burst of flowers among the red crabapples and the withered leaves. To me, there was something in that. You could consider it to be valiantly brave to be blooming as winter approaches or maybe just foolishly desperate to be taking one pointless last stab at flowering when there's no hope of bearing fruit.

Those little flowers have lasted for several days so far and I'm struck by them each time I pass by. Just this morning I began to wonder why they seem so significant to me. Something else to think about.

Birthday 2009

Another birthday has come and gone. I had a wonderful day. I took an early morning walk along the river to find a geocache. It was located in/near a cool old log barn. The light was perfect at that time of morning.

It was a very cool morning and the mist was hanging low in the valleys and along the river. I took this short video of the curls of mist following the flow of the river downstream. It was very serene.

After that I met my brother John and his family for breakfast. I spent much of the afternoon on the phone talking to well wishers and in the evening I went to dinner with Sue, Harold, Cindy, Richard, and Mary Lou. It was a very good day.


I did get some health news in the days surrounding the weekend, too. I saw my pulmonologist on Friday. He said that I haven't shown any further loss of lung capacity since this time last year. By way of background information, they never got an accurate measure of my lung capacity from before the disease kicked in. The first test I had for that was after I had had the pneumonia and the tumor was suspected. It's likely my one lung was already compromised somewhat at that point. I'm showing a reduction of about 10 to 15 percent of lung capacity since then, due to the surgery. The fact that the lung capacity hasn't changed in a year is good news.

On another front, I went to the podiatrist today to see what the MRI had shown about my torn Achilles tendon. It turns out that it has a tear that involves about 1.5 inches of the tendon. From what he told me, if it's not treated it might snap or 'rupture'. Hearing that gave me the willies. I have to wear a large and cumbersome boot thing for four weeks. After that I'll have another MRI to see how much it might have healed. If it doesn't recover much, then I might have to have surgery. I'm not happy about that.

The boot is annoying but I'm going to do my best with it. If it allows the tendon to heal then it will have been worth the effort. I don't want to have the surgery if I can help it. I'll take whatever steps I need to get it as close as I can to 'good as new' so it won't give me trouble in the long term.

A new development

Well, yesterday I found out that I have a torn Achilles tendon. Since I started this blog to report health info during my tumor episode, it seems fitting to record this latest news here, too. Actually yesterday was just the day I got confirmation about what is going on. I knew something had been up for over a year. It hurts A LOT some of the time but not consistently. Lately it started to swell so I went to the doctor who sent me to a podiatrist. That doctor sent me for an MRI which confirmed the tendon tear.

I think this all started up when I pulled the tendon in August of 2008 while getting ready for that 5K at Disney World. It has taken a long time to ripen into a problem. I don't know what I'll need to do to get this one fixed. Of course I went right to the web and read all sorts of conflicting information about theraputic footwear, physical therapy and/or surgery. I'll wait until the doctor fills me in when I see him later this month. In the meantime I'll be hobbling along as usual.

Speaking of hobbling along, I have been trying to keep up with the morning walks despite the whole tendon/ankle thing. This morning I came upon my first real autumn leaf. It was still dark so I took a photo of it with my snappy new Blackberry phone with a built-in flash. Here's that picture.


Just before I saw the leaf I spotted a deer on the edge of the woods. This one was a buck with antlers. While I often see deer in the morning before dawn I have never spotted a buck like this before. That was a cool experience. From what I have read, this is the time of year when you're most likely to spot a buck. They grow antlers over the spring/summer and they begin to shed their covering of velvet in August as autumn approaches and deer romance season begins. They evidently shed the antlers once the honeymoon is over in December or later in the winter. We looked at each other for a while in the half light before he trotted off into the woods. A nice way to begin the day.

Autumn arrives

It was in the low 50s when I got up this morning. Yesterday you could tell that autumn had arrived. It was cooler than it had been for a long time and the light was different, particularly early in the morning and evening. Walking today the air was very crisp and clear. The moon had set by the time I started and I saw the constellation Orion for the first time since last winter. Orion is one of the few constellations that I can recognize and I always associate it with the autumn and winter seasons.

There were many deer out this morning. That could be due to the cooler weather or the fact that the moon had set and it was still very dark. I came upon eight of them in sets of one or two. One of them was standing next to the sidewalk as I went by and was very unimpressed by me. She just watched me mosey by. That was a memorable moment.

Two years ago

It was just about this time two years ago that I was on the phone with my doctor and heard the words 'abnormal CT scan.' I try not to talk about these landmarks too much. I think it annoys people and I don't want to give the impression that I'm always dwelling on my past illness. Still, it was a major episode in my life. Before that phone call I was able to dismiss any worries as premature. After that moment it was clear that something was up. There were more tests and appointments to go before I really knew what was going on but by then I was on my guard to hear whatever news might be coming my way. Remembering these things helps me to hold onto the lessons I have been trying to learn from that experience.

A couple of trips

I haven't posted anything here in some time. I've been busy with this and that and the blog got away from me a bit. This morning I realized that it had been over a month since I wrote anything here and it seems time to catch up. As usual, the summer seems to be slipping away very quickly. Aside from day to day things, I've been on two trips over the last month and a half that seem worth reporting. The first was to the American Library Association conference in Chicago in July. Chicago is a remarkable city with wonderful restaurants, striking architecture and lots of public art. It was interesting to see that the downtown area actually seemed busier over the weekend than it did during the week.

When we were there, we tried to see at least a bit of the city. One of the highlights for me was going out on the Skydeck Ledge at the top of the Sears Tower. It's and enclosed balcony with a glass floor. Here's a photo of me looking down through the floor.

Another adventure was to get up before dawn on our last morning there and watch the sun come up over Lake Michigan. We were very fortunate with the weather the entire week but that morning seemed particularly beautiful. It struck me how quiet it could be there by the lake right on the edge of such a big city.


At the very beginning of August, I went with Audra and her extended family (more than 25 of us) on a cruise on the Carnival Inspiration from Tampa to Grand Cayman, to Cozumel and back to Tampa. We had a great time, swimming with stingrays, snorkeling, eating, and dozing. Here is a photo of a sunrise from the back of the ship on the way from Grand Cayman to Cozumel.

And here is a photo of the beach in Cozumel. We went out in clear kayaks at that spot and went snorkeling afterward.

This is a carved melon at the midnight buffet one evening. I would love to be able to do something like this.

And finally, here are the very cool plastic trophies that Audra and I won when we went to the salsa dancing class. We didn't realize that they were going to have a dance competition right after the lesson. We gave it our best and tied with another couple. Our success was due to our remarkable talent, I'm sure, but I think it helped that we stopped off on the way to the lesson and sampled some of the ship's fairly potent tropical drinks.

Hydrangea

The pink hydrangea that I bought for my mother almost twenty years ago hasn't bloomed since I brought it home in a pot from the grocery store. When I got home last night I saw that it had flowered. This may not seem like a big deal to most people but it is to me. I'm including a phone picture. What an unexpected and delightful surprise.

The heron and the crow

In several posts on this blog I've mentioned times when I had seen a heron down along the river. During the time that I was really sick, seeing a heron at the river has always seemed a good omen to me. I always seemed to spot one at times when I had been at a low point and things were beginning to look up. I'm not all that superstitious but seeing a heron really does seem to go hand in hand with good news for me.

Lately I've been having to deal with an assortment of challenges - mostly at work. They are reasonably important but have been made more difficult than they really need to be due to various surrounding circumstances. I'm not sure how to proceed with some of them and was thinking about that on my walk back from the river this morning. When I was near my house I heard a loud, raspy call and looked up to see a heron flying overhead. It was being followed and pestered by a crow. They sailed along over the trees squawking and cawing in turn. That image has been stuck in my head all day. I knew how the heron felt.

Some wildlife and a foggy morning

It's hard to believe that it's July 1. Half of this year has passed already. The summer seems to be flying by. On the drive home yesterday I noticed all the flowers on the roadside and in the highway median. They looked the way they often do much later in the season. Many had gone to seed already.

At home lately I've had an assortment of wildlife visitors. Last weekend I heard something tapping on one of the basement windows and looked out to see a turtle stuck in the window well. I think it was an eastern painted turtle. They're river turtles and this one must have taken quite a hike to get to my house - maybe on a trip to lay eggs. I have only ever seen box turtles in the yard before. This one was much more energetic and hissed at me when I went to pick it up. My friend Ellen was visiting that day and we took the turtle down to the river to let it go. It was satisfying to see it slip away into the water.


Yesterday a hummingbird came to my window box in the morning. It came back in the evening and I could hear it making little chirping sounds as it looked over the impatiens. I had never heard a hummingbird before. Later in the evening we had rain and when I was looking out the back door a big toad came hopping up. That was a surprise. I've also had the usual rabbits and deer in the yard. I see the rabbits all the time. I thought rabbits would be timid but these aren't. Maybe they're a new, gutsy species. They stroll about the yard and don't seem to care if I'm out there or not. Even the lawn mower doesn't scare them away. I don't see the deer but I see that lots of the taller plants in the yard have been nibbled down. It has to be deer that are doing that.

Because of the rain yesterday there was a low fog before dawn today. I did come upon a deer when out walking. Because of the fog we didn't see each other until we were fairly close. I think we were both surprised. It was a good morning to be outside.

Shadow and the fawn

My brother Tom's dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Shadow. Ridgebacks are a dog breed that began in southern Africa. They were used to hunt lions. For anyone who has met a Ridgeback this is difficult to imagine. They're big and scary looking but they're some of the sweetest dogs I have ever met. Tom had an interesting experience with Shadow yesterday. Rather than describe it myself, I'll include the email he sent me here. I'm also adding the photos and the video clip he sent me. He told me today that this whole enounter lasted about half and hour.

From Tom: Shadow's new friend
I took my fierce lion hunting dog down to a big field near the college to run around and he found a new friend to play with, a tiny fawn that was too young to know any better. They had a good time, sniffing each other, running around, sometimes the dog would chase the fawn, sometimes the fawn would chase the dog. At one point, the dog laid down and fawn came over and started licking him, so I don't think the fawn was all that intimidated by the dog. I let them play for a while, until I noticed the fawn's parents were just inside the woods line, freaking out, so I leashed the dog and we left. Last I saw of the fawn it was standing alone where we left it. Now I know what the dog would do if he ever caught any prey.

This is one of the coolest things I've seen in a long time and I wanted to put it up here so that other people could enjoy it!

Too much bad news

In the last few days I have had a constant stream of nothing but bad news. Two guys I know have had surgery and are now in treatment for testicular cancer. Another friend is facing the death of one person who was very close to her and the very serious illness of another. And today I heard that a friend of another friend was in a devastating car crash and will be paralyzed from the neck down.

I am reeling from all this. It is other people's bad news, I know. None of it is about me as they say. Still, it just seems as if disaster is dropping in from every direction and it is difficult to think about anything else. I suppose part of this feeling comes from not being able to do anything but just absorb this information. To insert myself in some possibly helpful way would just be intrusive.

I keep trying to find the message or lesson in all this so that God will see that we get it and won't want to test us further. I have had that thought before and realized then as now that it is mostly superstition masquerading as faith. Still, it is difficult to do nothing. I wish I could think of something that might help just a little.

Foggy morning

This is a foggy morning. Fog creates such a serene feeling. That's a good way to start the day. When I walked down to the river I saw that the people who build the little stone towers in the water have been at it again. (see Surprising art - with a surprise from last June.) I had also seen them further downstream on Monday morning. When I spotted them that first time they made quite an impression. They seemed like such an unexpected, spontaneous burst of creativity. They seem a little overdone now. Sometimes a little bit of something really is better.

I heard wood thrushes again today, too. Wood thrush songs always seem to echo in the air. I don't know if it's the quality of their voices that create this impression or if they tend to locate themselves in places that echo. The foggy morning, the smell of the honeysuckle and the bird songs made a memorable start to the day.

A good year for locust trees

When I was driving yesterday I noticed that the locust trees are blooming more heavily than usual this year. We have had a lot of rain in the last few weeks and that probably had something to do with it. This morning is cool and foggy and the air is heavy with the scent of the locust flowers. This has always been one of my favorite times of year. The locusts will be followed by roses and honeysuckle and peonies. They all perfume the morning air.

I have been busy with an assortment of duties and tasks lately and haven't had time to spend on some less pressing but more important things. It's easy to get caught up in that sort of whirl. I'll be working on changing that pattern now. It will take a conscious effort.

I'll start by leaving work a little early this afternoon to take the kayak out on the river. It promises to be a beautiful day and I don't want to waste it.

Another loss

On Friday my aunt Joan died. Her name is pronounced as Joanne. She was actually my mother's cousin which makes her really a second or third cousin of mine. I'm not good at this sort of definition. To me, she fell into the aunt category - being part of the group of adults that we were paraded past when we went back to the Windber/Johnstown area to visit relatives. Joan lived in a really cool house up on Route 30 near Stoystown, PA and going to visit there was always an adventure. What I and all of my family will remember most about her is the way she laughed. She was an intelligent, direct, and matter-of-fact woman. Her laugh carried with it confidence, amusement, perspective and fellowship with everyone within earshot.

Losing Joan is to lose yet another of the constants from my childhood. There have been many such losses over these past several months. I will remember her always and will remember her laughing. That was a great gift to leave with us.

A morning of mishaps

So, yesterday I mowed the lawn and trimmed down an assortment of weeds from an overgrown garden that I had been neglecting. I also made a chocolate mashed potato cake (pretty tasty) for the volunteer appreciation luncheon at work. This morning I woke up with poison ivy from teh yard work. When I went to wash the dishes from baking last night, a chunk popped out of the drain pipe under my kitchen sink. The water flooded the cabinet beneath and flowed out onto the floor. This made me late enough for work that I got caught in traffic, when the low fuel light came on in the car. I know from experience that I have a several miles left to go in a case like that but I had to stop for gas on the way to work which made me even more late than I had expected. It was one of those mornings.

I emailed my brothers who know a lot about house maintenance (see the post just before this one) with photos of the pipe problem. To me, the two possible solutions for this sort of thing are to call a plumber or to sell the house. To them, this is just a routine thing like mowing the lawn or vacuuming the floor. I heard back from both of them moment later with phrases like "easy to replace'" and "no big deal." I don't get it but I somehow lucked into this safety net and I'm glad of it. I may be washing dishes in the bathroom sink for a couple of days but that's easy to accommodate.

So, now it's time to kick in and start scratching the poison ivy. I'll have to deal with that one on my own!

Ax Men

Yesterday I went out to my brother John's house to help take down a dead tree that was leaning over an old tool shed. My brother Tom and his son John were there to help too. Actually, brothers John and Tom did most of the work and nephew John was busy alongside them. I was there to do little odd jobs and pitch in when an extra pair of hands was needed. My brothers are both stronger than I am and have somehow gained a huge body of knowledge on how to do this sort of thing. I must have been out of the room when this piece of the family gene pool was being handed out. They both also have tons of useful tools and equipment. I try to help where I can during projects like this and always end up learning a lot. Here's a photo of what the tree looked like before we started.

It's hard to tell from this picture but the tree is leaning over the red shed quite a lot. We couldn't just cut it down. We had to dismantle it piece by piece. It took a long time.

This next photo shows the work in progress. John was the only one to go up in the tree. The rest of us were busy with ropes, tools and opinions.

Little is left of the tree now but there is still a bit of work to be done. Even though it was dead it's surprising how much more open the area seems now that it's gone.

I suspect John and Tom are sore today. They earned it. I have a bit of a sunburn and what Tom calls 'air show neck' from looking up all day. It was a good way to spend a Sunday.

Balanced awareness or over-dramatization?

Lately several of my friends have faced serious health problems. Some of them have worked out well. While it hasn’t been easy for them, it’s a great relief to know that they have seen the worst of the current challenge and are on their way back. It remains to be seen how things are going to go for others. They are on my mind a great deal. While I had quite a dramatic run, it seems that I was let off the hook easily in comparison to others.

I have another routine follow-up appointment with my lung surgeon tomorrow. That required another CT scan and that was done today. In order to get the CT scan I had to go for blood tests last week. The novelty of all these tests has worn off. Now they seem just like more hoops to jump through – part of my payment for having gotten off the hook from that tumor.

I made a remark to someone the other day that these tests and appointments are the annoying part of not dying that I have to go through in order to get all the good things that life rolls my way. I meant it as a joke but there was truth in it, too. When I learned I had the tumor I vowed not to take as much for granted. At the same time I don’t want to moon along in the dramatic role of the disease survivor. It’s an interesting and difficult balance to maintain. I hope I’m doing a good job of it. It’s hard to know.

Easter canoe / kayak trip

Over the Easter weekend I went with my brother John's family and friends on a canoe/kayak trip to the pine barrens in New Jersey. We had a great time. There were fifteen of us. It's quite a production with all the boats, camping equipment and food that we haul along. Here is a bunch of us getting ready for to paddle down the river on Easter morning. You can click on any of the photos to see a larger version.

These trips are always an adventure. Last year it was very cold. This year it was warmer but on Saturday it rained from just before dawn until late in the afternoon. We made the best of it. They come very prepared and luckily a lot of tarps are included. They were able to stretch enough of them over the cooking area so that we could all avoid getting soaked - mostly.


Every now and then someone has an unpleasant spill but for the most part the trips go smoothly. Coasting down the river is wonderful. I like to hang in the back and watch the people ahead of me laughing, talking, forming into one set of groups and then another.


It's not a traditional way to spend the Easter holiday but it seems right to me. Early on Easter morning this year was quiet and serene and sunny. That was especially welcome after the rainy and cold day that had gone before. It's fun to mix with the crowd but it's easy to get away for a little quiet time, too.


It's raining again this morning. I loved the camping and the boating but I'm also loving the chance to be at home in the warmth and listening to the rain outside.

Morning walks again

I started back to taking morning walks. I needed to get some exercise and first thing in the morning seems like the only time that's consistently available. I do about three miles. Today I took the route that had the steeper uphill sections. That was maybe better exercise but it also gave me longer stretches of downhill. I like going out early before it gets light. It's very quiet then. Usually I don't see any people but there are animals about. This morning I saw came upon two groups of deer.

This has also been a bad week of health news for friends of mine. Two people with scary news. One is looking more hopeful now. For the other it's too early to tell.

Three times on the walk this morning a street light went out just as I got near to it and began to come back on just as I passed. That had a feeling of portent. If so, I'm counting on the light coming back on to be a good sign.