In Minneapolis

I'm in Minneapolis for a few days for a conference. I've learned a lot of interesting things that I hope will be useful when I get home. I've also had a chance to see a bit of Minneapolis which is a beautiful city. On Wednesday I had a chance to see Minnehaha Falls. It was very beautiful with all the ice surrounding it.
I also had a chance to go to a reception in a tall office building that overlooked the city. Here's a few from there that I took with my phone. That white building is the Foshay Tower. It has an interesting history.

Easter canoe trip

I have spent the Easter weekend on a canoe/kayak trip with family and friends in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. It was a wonderful time. Good river trips, good food, and beautiful, clear weather. It was cold at night, though. The thermometer read 26 degrees this morning. I am taking a moment to post this as we pack to leave.

Maybe because it's Easter, an old Longfellow poem came back to me. It's called "My Cathedral" and has always been a favorite of mine. I memorized it many years ago. I'll include it below - and will fix any errors when I get home.

My Cathedral

Like two cathedral towers these stately pines
Uplift their fretted summits tipped with cones;
The arch beneath them is not built with stones,
Not Art but Nature traced these lovely lines,
And carved this graceful arabesque of vines;
No organ but the wind here sighs and moans,
No sepulchre conceals a martyr's bones.
No marble bishop on his tomb reclines.
Enter! The pavement carpeted with leaves,
Gives back the softened echo of thy tread!
Listen! The choir is singing; All the birds
In leafy galleries beneath the eaves,
Are singing. Listen, ere the sound be fled,
And learn there may be worship without words.

(P.S. Checking the poem, I found I had all the words right but missed some of the punctuation. Not too bad.)

Slapped in the face by God

I have been talking a lot about taking the high philosophical road. At the same time, I have let some relatively small things get to me recently. These issues were very big to some of the people around me and I don't mean to discount that. Nevertheless, I had been making more of them than I should. Today I got news that someone I've known my whole life is facing a health threat that could be far worse than anything I have seen. I will shut up about my personal trivial challenges now and will work to remember two things - how truly lucky I am and how much power I have to lighten the burden of those about me. I believe that messages are sent to us all the time and that we just have to keep our minds and hearts open enough to receive them. Today I feel as if I have been truly slapped in the face by God with one such message. I am sorry for having been so self centered. As the nuns at St. Mark's would have framed it, I will offer up my trials in the hope that it will lighten the burdens of others.

A bad week

I am feeling a little overwhelmed today. This poem occurred to me. It's more dramatic than necessary to describe how I'm feeling but it seems to capture the tone nonetheless. It's "Not Waving But Drowning" by Stevie Smith. Oddly, it was written the same year I was born...

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Health-wise, everything is going along as well as could be expected. Lots of this hasn't been easy but could have been so much worse that I haven't been focusing on that. In the meantime, I am having to deal with some other things that are using up much more time and energy than they should. I am working today on putting some things into perspective and realizing that what motivates and is important to me is not always the same thing that motivates and is important to everyone else. Still, it's a chance to learn, to grow, and to develop greater understanding. That is always good. Just today, though, I feel like I've had enough opportunities for that over the last year.

Second surgery follow-up

Well, I went in for my second surgery follow-up appointment this afternoon. All that news was good. The incision looked good and the x-rays showed nothing surprising. The pain that I have sometimes been having is to be expected. It comes after exercise and results from stretching the muscles that are still healing. I suspected/hoped that it was something like that but it's good to hear it officially.

I finally remembered to ask if they could tell me how long the tumor had been growing. The doctor told me that it wasn't possible to tell for sure. It could have been as little as five years but could have been as long as twelve years or more. That was interesting to hear. I had read that neuroendocrine tumors grow slowly but I didn't know exactly what that meant. Some people have them growing for a very long time before they're detected. I'm glad my doctor began to suspect mine as early as he did.

Here is a comparison of my x-rays. The one on the left is from last week, the one on the right is from three months ago. Click the image for a much larger version.

X-rays ready to go

Well, today was x-ray day. It took longer than I expected. There were a lot of people in there today. All went well and I have my envelope of films ready for next Friday. I haven't compared them to the November films yet. That should be interesting. Just because I don't know anything about reading x-rays doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

I don't like the x-ray place. It's supremely depressing. All those people with serious problems. I had a big problem, I know, but I feel like an impostor compared to all the people who are facing things that are much worse. I sat next to a woman today while waiting for my films. She was on oxygen, her husband had died five years ago, and now she has breast cancer. She was getting ready for an appointment with her surgeon and it turned out one of her other doctors hadn't returned her x-rays to the film library. Someone was waiting in the car for her to pick them up. She seemed so alone. We talked for quite a while.

When I got home I decided to watch "La Vie en Rose" - the film about the life of Edith Piaf. It was brilliant. Although if I wasn't depressed before that I surely am now. I'm going out with friends tonight and am looking forward to it a lot. I feel very fortunate.

Thinking back

It's funny what can trigger a memory or an image in your mind. On the way in to work today I was waiting at a traffic light when I noticed that the car in front of me had an Outer Banks (North Carolina) license plate frame. It made me think of times when I was down there and got up early to watch the sun rise over the ocean. A little wistful, I suspect, because of the events of the past year and the upcoming doctor appointment. The appointment (see post below) isn't expected to bring any news but that sort of thing always gets a person thinking. I located these photos that I took of the sunrise over the water when I was down at the Outer Banks. They are some of my favorite pictures. Click them for a larger version.

Four months

Wow, it has been four months since I had that surgery. A lot is different since then. Not all of it has to do with health stuff but it seems all to have developed because of that in one way or another. I have set up the next follow-up appointment with the surgeon. That happens next Friday and I go in tomorrow to get the required x-rays. I don't expect much news one way or another to come out of that appointment. I'm hoping not, anyway.

Geese

I took a walk down to the river this morning . It was nearly 60 degrees when I got up. It was very beautiful and quiet. When I got back, a big flock of geese flew high overhead. I remember that from autumn and spring when I was little. Whenever the geese would fly by we would all stop what we were doing and watch and listen to them as they passed. I noticed that the snowdrops are blooming in the yard this morning, too. Spring must be on the way. I'm ready for that.

We're expecting heavy rain this afternoon and evening. I got ready for that by clearing out the gutter along the back porch roof. It always clogs with pine needles and then overflows when it rains.

I made a follow-up appointment with the surgeon yesterday. I was supposed to have done that in February but I let it slip with all else that was going on. That will happen on March 14. I'm interested to hear what he'll have to say. I'm going to ask about the soreness I have after I do anything that's a bit strenuous. It's probably to be expected.

Off to get ready for the day....

Tubby Tote Board Tightrope

In the last few weeks I have been on vacation and then had a stress induced food-fest. This morning I weighed myself and the news wasn't good. I'm walking a fine line trying not to cross the 'magic number' line. I'm not going to post today's number on my tubby tote board (see bottom of the column on the right side of the screen). I'm going to give myself the weekend to do a bit of recovery. The news on Monday probably won't be good but with luck it won't be as bad as today's news either.

Returning to what has sustained me

I have been having to deal with a lot of interpersonal issues lately. Some have been difficult. When I got home tonight I read through the Prayer of St. Francies. A copy of it hangs on the plaque in my room. It offers a lot of guidance. Here it is,

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

This contains so mush wisdom and I think anyone who can remember to live by it will both be happy and help others to be happy. St. Francis probably doesn't need any editorial suggestions from me. But if I had one thing to add to this prayer, I would add a line that says, "Where there is difference, let me sow tolerance." It is very easy work so hard to win on an issue that you can lose track of what is being given up to do it or the pain that is being caused to others on the way.

I'm putting this post in the poetry category even though that's not entirely accurate. The prayer of St. Francis is poetry to me, though, because it gives me what I seek in poetry - beauty and inspiration.

A few more Arizona pictures

It was a long day and when I got home I decided to look over my trip pictures again. I picked out three more to post here. It was wonderful to be out there in the quiet, open space. It is probably too dry and stark for me but I can see what so many people see in it. As always, click on a photo to see a larger version.

Not taking breathing for granted

Today I went for a hike through the park nearby to get some exercise and to find a few more geocaches. The geocaching part went well. The hiking was a little more challenging. It was cold and that seemed to make it harder to breathe. I had to stop a few times on the way up hills to catch my breath. A couple of times that was difficult to do. When I got home I just sat for a while and spent some time appreciating the fact that I was breathing easily again.

This brought home again a desire to focus on what is truly important. It's easy to let some things take on a great importance when more important things aren't considered as carefully. I've seen lately some of the trouble that that can cause. It can become an infectious attitude and I will be working not to let it get the better of me.

On the nicely flat ending part of the hike today, I took a picture with my phone. Not the best focus but the reflections on the still river water were beautiful.

Wasson Peak

This is my last day in Arizona. I head home tomorrow. This morning I drove through Gates Pass west of Tucson and hiked to the top of Wasson Peak. I'm sending in this post from there.

I am very glad to have made this trip successfully. It was a test for me. It was harder to do than the last trip I made up here. Still, I made it. Not bad considering I'm also older and tubbier than the last time.

It's a 9.8 mile round trip. I still have the 4.9 mile return leg to go!

It's a perfect day here. I'm attaching a picture taken from the peak.

Weather changes

Well, what a difference a day makes. After the beautiful sunset on Thursday, the weather got colder and it started to rain. It rained most of Friday down on the desert floor and snowed up in the mountains.
On Saturday the mountains had snow on them at least as far south as Tubac, which is very unusual. Elaine, Karl, Tracy, Barry and I were down in Tubac to do some shopping. While we were there we did a really cool puzzle geocache that involved finding eight locations, reading some info from them, and using that info to get the coordinates for the final cache. It was a ton of fun. We located the final spot correctly and were all wandering around looking for the hidden item and trying to look casual. It was a hoot. Karl eventually found it. I had almost given up.

On the way home we stopped at the Longhorn Grill in Amado for dinner - the second heavy meal of the day. It was very tasty but maybe not too good for my tubby tote board.

A great day!

Out in the desert

I spent some time yesterday out in the desert. I took my GPS with me and found four of the five geocaches I was looking for. It was a great time. I did have some trouble with the hiking but managed to do OK. This was the first time I had actually rambled off the trails here. It was fascinating. Lots of exposed loose rocks and all the plants have points on them. It was also very windy yesterday and the dust was flying everywhere.When I got back to the car I was dirty, bleeding in a few minor places, and had cactus spines sticking out of my legs. It was great.

On the way back, the sunset was beautiful and the light on the mountains was dramatic. There was a lot of rush hour traffic and I wondered if the people in the other cars were noticing what was going on around them. I wonder if you get used to this sort of thing if you see it every day. Probably so.

In Tucson

I'm visiting a friend in Tucson this week. There's a gem and mineral show here that is huge. I shopped about a bit yesterday but didn't find anything too memorable. I hope to do a little hiking in the mountains here later in the week. They're predicting snow today so I think this won't be the day. The sunset last night was spectacular.

Sunday morning

This morning I started out slightly before dawn armed with my cool GPS device and found my first geocache. If you haven't heard about these, you can find pretty much everything you need to know on Wikipedia and on Geocaching.com. It was my first stab at this so I went for one that was supposed to be very easy to find. I found it and I am unreasonably proud of myself.

Part of the trip involved a short but steep hike up a hill. I was surprised at how many times I had to stop and catch my breath. Less lung has really made a difference for me. What I had wasn't such a big deal compared to what others have been through. Still, things like this remind me that it was substantial nonetheless. I'll be going on a trip to Arizona shortly and hope to do some hikes in the mountains near there. I'm interested now to see how that will work out.

Just after I found the geocache, there was a sudden downpour of little snow pellets. It only lasted for a couple of minutes. With all the pellets hitting the dry leaves, the wind, and the sunrise, it was a multisensory experience. Last week I started what will be some particularly difficult challenges at work. This morning was a good way to get some perspective on that.

I'm including a couple of photos I took on the trip.

Only by being already at home here

It's Ash Wednesday. They really got me with those ashes this morning, too. I got the zealous lay minister. They tend to be very enthusiastic in their duties.

There is a poem by Stevie Smith with the title "God Speaks". In it, she makes a point about how people are eager to get to heaven but seem to miss the point a lot. I think it's still under copyright or I'd post it here. The last line is quotable, though, and sums it up fairly well. It is, "But he cannot come by wishing. Only by being already at home here." That seems to be a goal worth working toward.

I've made an assortment of vows for Lent. They all center about trying to be a generally better and kinder person. I won't list them all here. One simple one will prove to be the most useful, I think. I'm going to take a little time each evening to review how well I did that day. I should learn from that.

Today marks three months since I had my surgery. It seems so much longer ago than that.

Mardi Gras

It's Mardi Gras today. I celebrated by buying donuts for the office and then eating several of them. That might be all the celebrating I do this year.

I'm setting myself up for a lot of things to do over Lent. The religious tone of that period causes me to keep to some self-improvement things much more successfully than anything else. I might as well do that to best advantage.