Two weeks to go - denial or a reasonable approach?

Two weeks from now, if all goes according to plan, I should be out of surgery. It seems as if this has begun to loom all of a sudden.

A couple of people have commented on my positive outlook and have asked me if I'm in denial over this. I've thought about this a bit and I really don't think that's the case. But for the record, let me just say that I really don't want to do this and I wish it would go away. Every now and then I imagine that I'll get a call saying that the test results were a mistake and I'm off the hook.

When I first heard the words "abnormal CT scan" I think I did go through a lot of those typical stages of denial, bargaining, etc. As soon as I got home I started cleaning out drawers, thinking that if I was going to pop off shortly I didn't want anyone else to have to do that. Even as I was doing it I knew it weird. Still, it was a lot less weird than some things I could have been doing and it made me feel better so I kept at it for a while. Not long, though. Most of the drawers in my house are still crammed with who-knows-what!

Since then I've been trying to get ready as best I can. By all reports, the time after the surgery is supposed to be very painful but honestly there isn't a whole lot I can do about that. I'm doing what I can, though. Every morning I take a long walk like my surgeon recommended so that I can improve my lung capacity and general fitness. I've laid in a supply of warm shirts that zip up the front so I won't have to work with my usual pullover sweatshirts. I'm in the process of cleaning up the house, weeding down my work email inbox and trying to get my projects at work in order so that I can pass them along. I'm also reading up on wills, living wills, advance directives and that sort of thing with the goal of having all that in place before I go into the hospital. (In my experience, the more prepared you are for something the less likely it is to happen so this may be a bit of a defense mechanism, too.) And finally, I did buy a new, bigger refrigerator. That was an indulgence. My old one was small and rust was coming through the paint. I thought I'd get a larger new one so that I'd be able to accept all the fabulous and appetizing things that my family, friends and neighbors just may be sending my way while I'm laid up.

One last thing about my situation in comparison to ones that others have faced. I count myself lucky because, if all turns out as expected, I am very likely to be clear of this after the surgery and not face recurrence, chemotherapy, radiation or some other form of follow-up therapy. That makes this much easier for me. I have friends who have had cancers that require much less dramatic surgery but who have had to face the looming threat of recurrence, spread of the disease, etc. At least so far I haven't had to deal with that. I had some very dark times in the days before my biopsy results came in - and I'll probably have more scary moments when my post-op biopsy results are looming. But that will have to wait for later. I'll work in the meantime on the things over which I have some control. That helps a lot.

Oop, OK, one more thing. I took my car in for maintenance this morning and was on the road as the sun was coming up. It was a spectacular sunrise today. That certainly made it easier to cough up the $$ for the work on the car!