A conversation with a light bulb

I couldn't resist using that subject line but it's actually accurate.  Today I had a conversation with a light bulb.  For those who might be worried about this I should say that the conversation was one-sided.  The light bulb didn't say anything.

I try to decorate the house for Christmas on the weekend before Thanksgiving.  It helps to remind me that Christmas isn't far away and I need to kick in with other preparations.  The holiday will get away from me if I don't do the decorating right away. If I don't haul out the holly right after Thanksgiving then I just might be trying to play catch-up on December 26.

I put the electric candles in the window just before Thanksgiving. I like the way they bring a soft glow to the house. I have old window candles, some that came from my family's house and some that I bought from thrift stores years ago.  They all take a standard, 4-watt bulb. Over the years times have changed and everyone uses small Christmas light that are either tiny incandescent bulbs or LED bulbs. I was raised on lights that have the bigger Snoopy's-doghouse bulbs (which will mean something to those who watch A Charlie Brown Christmas).

OK, after all that set up, this morning I saw that one of the bulbs had burnt out.  When I looked at it I saw that it was a slightly different shape from the others.  Some of the covering was peeling too.  I realized that this was a bulb that had come from my family home. It must have been 20 or 30 years old and had been hanging on all this time.  I replaced it, as I needed to do, but I didn't want to throw it in the trash.  That seemed too dismissive. I did it, though.  As I did, I thought how that little light bulb had run its course and had been  important in a part of my life for decades. So I threw it in the trash, knowing that it had its destiny and I had mine.  Our time together was important but it had ended. So, I had a little burial-at-trash-can moment with a light bulb and I wished it well on its journey.

Just after that little non-ceremony, a friend called to tell me that his mother had died.  It was the third death of a parent among my friends in the last week.  I have experienced the loss that they feel and am, in a way, further down that path of loss and acceptance.  Holidays always bring back memories of those who have gone and to lose someone close to the holidays makes that even sadder.  I have them all in my mind, hoping that their memories will let them see sorrow from a distance and joy nearby in the days and years to come. 

Five years today

It was five years ago today that I had the surgery to remove the tumor from my lung.  I won't get the official all-clear from the doctor until early December but I'm not expecting any surprises.  It has been a day of quiet celebration for me. I did send a message to my family today to thank them for all the support they gave me. I have tried not to talk about it aside from that.  It's enough that this day is important to me.  I don't need for it to be an event for anyone else.  But.....

Just as I wrote that last sentence I got a delivery of flowers from my sister and brother-in-law. Beautiful roses, carnations, stocks and chrysanthemums.  A mix of colors and scents.  I said that this day doesn't need to be an event for anyone but me.  Still, it's wonderful to know that it is important to others, too.

June 2012

The sixth of the month again. It's always a special day for me.  Most of today didn't have much to recommend it.  It was a day among many others with necessary tasks at home and frantic activity at work.  It was a beautiful day, though - cool and clear with a sky filled with the sort of clouds you see in calendar photos.  I happened to look up just as I got out of the car when I got home and saw a blue heron flying overhead.  I saw herons often during the time that I was sick. That has always been reassuring to me in some way.  It was the same today. 

After the sun went down I went into the back yard and saw lightning bugs for the first time this year. They may have been sparkling back there for days or weeks but this was the first time I had spotted them.  It was good to see them there.

A heron and some lightning bugs. Not really remarkable sights I suppose, but seeing them has given me quite a lift.  There's something very comforting in seeing familiar, beautiful things.  Old friends gone for a while and back again.

The home stretch

Six months from today I will reach my five-year point.  With the sort of tumor that I had, the odds of a recurrence are small.  Still, it will be good to see that day. It has been a life changing experience, that's for sure.  I sometimes forget that I was sick at all and other times it seems like it all happened yesterday. There were some very scary parts and some painful times, too, but what I'm remembering now is how people rallied round me. 

All of that came back to me clearly the other day. The subject of the surgery came up when I was talking to my friend Audra. She remembered coming to the hospital shortly after the surgeon had come out to tell my family that all had gone well.  She told me that she came into the waiting room to see that they were crying and hugging each other. I knew that it was a scary period for all of us but I had never imagined that moment for them. It was so wonderful to have them with me.

So, six months to go until I reach my five-year landmark. I'm looking forward to that day.

Passed my four-year follow up

I had meant to report this before now. I had my four-year follow up appointment with the surgeon in December.  There were no problems or surprises.  I have another appointment scheduled for next December which will mark my five year point. After that, I won't have to go back. I've already been released by the pulmonologist so the surgery/oncology release should be my last step.  It's amazing to think that this will all be officially over with by the end of this year.