A mission statement for 2009

I have been thinking a lot about the last two years and all that has happened over that time. Some great moments and some truly terrible ones. At this time last year I had vowed to live my life more fully and deeply than I had done in the past. As this year ends it is obvious to me that I didn't do a very good job of that. I took some time to think about the person I would like to be and listed some words that would describe how that person would live. I came up with eleven of them. I know I will make various task and accomplishment related resolutions as the new year begins and I hope that I'll be able to keep some of them. My one real resolution this year will be to check in regularly - daily if possible - to see how well I have met my character mission statment. It is:

I will remember that my time here is brief and will live with love, kindness, understanding, patience, wisdom, awareness, purpose, strength, faith, gratitude, and joy.

I'll need to practice these. I don't know if I could even list them all correctly from memory yet. I put them in that order for a reason because they all seem to relate to each other. To help me remember them, I made an eleven pointed star diagram. It is far from high quality graphic work but it will do the trick for me. Here it is.

A poem - a prayer

I needed to get something from my car today and decided to go out without a coat since I was parked fairly near to the building. People told me I would freeze but I thought a jaunt into the cold would be bracing. It was a little disappointing when I got out there to find that it is 55 degrees at the moment.

Still, the experience I had anticipated having made me think of a poem - A Prayer by Sara Teasdale. It seems a good sentiment for the end of this year, and is likely to be a little more applicable since the temperatures are supposed to drop significantly over the next few days.

A Prayer

When I am dying, let me know
That I loved the blowing snow
Although it stung like whips;
That I loved all lovely things
And I tried to take their stings
With gay unembittered lips;
That I loved with all my strength,
To my soul's full depth and length,
Careless if my heart must break,
That I sang as children sing
Fitting tunes to everything,
Loving life for its own sake.

Yesterday morning

We are having unusually warm weather and when I got up yesterday morning it was already nearly 60 degrees outside. I decided to go for a walk along the river and had a wonderful time. It was a grey morning with fast moving clouds. Maybe because of the clouds there were very few people out and I saw nobody for quite a long time. The mist on the river created quite a mood. It takes more photographic skill than I have to capture something like that well but here is a photo of the river as I crossed the bridge at the beginning of the route.


I walked for quite a way and on the way back the clouds began to clear. The wind was moving them along quickly and the light show on the trees and the river was beautiful to watch. I climbed out on a rotten log and took this video with my snappy new camera. This doesn't do the moment justice - it was one of those 'you had to be there' experiences - but I'm glad I have this anyway.

When I was nearly back to the car I came upon a heron feeding in the river. This heron was remarkably unimpressed by the presence of people and watched camly as joggers with big dogs trotted by. I was able to take this picture.


The heron and I looked at each other for quite some time. I finally realized that mealtime probably wouldn't continue while I stood there so I moved along.

I hope the memory of this morning stays with me.

Christmas has come and gone

Christmas was a great success. Everyone seemed to have a good time and all the meals came out well. There was less of a focus this year on presents which was refreshing. That removed a good deal of the pressure that seems to surround the holidays.

I'm looking forward to a similar tone through the rest of the holidays - some relaxing, quiet times spent with friends and family. Sounds ideal.

Well, this was odd

A few days ago I set up Google Analytics to track activity on this blog. It doesn't report anything that would identify a particular person who visits but it let's me know if anyone at all happened to stop by.

One of the reports gives a list of sites that link to the blog. It only reports them when someone actually follows the link and views one of my posts. I was surprised to find that my post with poems by Christina Rossetti and Sara Teasdale had recently been linked from an AP English blog from Fremont, California. My post is cited dispassionately but not inappropriately as being "from the POV of a cancer patient." It's odd because after this long year I still feel a bit like a pretender in that role. My disease has been dramatic, of course, but far less scary or threatening than those some others have fought. I am grateful for having been passed over and wish deeply that all of those dear to me could have been as fortunate.

Official one-year surgeon appointment

I had my one year follow-up appointment with the lung surgeon this afternoon. All of that went as well as could be hoped. My lungs sounded good and the x-ray was what they had hoped to see. I go back again in four months now.

I am happy about this but can't be too happy this evening. The waiting room for the surgeon is next to the waiting area for the pediatric oncology department and while I was there several families came in. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them. I won't soon forget this day.