Overpowering gratitude

Today was my last day of home duty before heading back to work. I have spent the last couple of days trying to do as much as possible so that I'll be ready to hit the road tomorrow. As a result, I'm exhausted and very sore but that's not bad news.

I have been out of work for four weeks. Just one month. The surgery, the hospital stay, the struggling to breathe deeply without great pain, are all in the past. It hasn't sunk in yet. I can't bring myself to drop my guard and accept that this show might actually be over. I guess that will come over time.

As this day ends, what I'm feeling is an overpowering feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for all of the kindness and support that has come my way. For my family, all of whom have shown nothing but love, kindness and patience. For my friends, co-workers, and neighbors, who have been an extension of my family and have treated me like I am a part of theirs.

I thought I might take a picture of all the cards and food storage containers that I have received and post it here. I set it up but it was such an astounding display that I was embarrassed to go through with it. If I counted in all the phone calls, emails and blog comments I've received, it would be truly an embarrassment of riches.

This year had a very difficult beginning as my uncle, who had been sick for many years, died early in January. Very shortly after that I got sick and stayed sick until I launched into the long diagnostic process that stretched from July through mid-August when I got the news that I had a malignant tumor. If this were a movie, the rest of the year would be a quick montage of doctor appointments, painful phone calls, hospital stays and assorted other unpleasant things. What I remember, though, is the outpouring of love and support that I have received. As this year draws to an end, I am grateful to have such a wonderful group of people to surround me. It's difficult to think that having had a disease such as this could ever be considered a positive experience but for me it truly has been.

I am constantly aware that this could all have progressed very differently. After that initial bad news, everything has gone as well as it was possible to do. I know my path could have developed very differently. I hope to do a good job of whatever comes, but I am so relieved that I have not been tested more than this.

Through all these months I have tried to learn from what has been set before me. If I can hold onto all that, then this could prove to be one of the best years of my life.