Not By Myself

Passed my four-year follow up

2012-01-09T10:21:00.000-05:00

I had meant to report this before now. I had my four-year follow up appointment with the surgeon in December. There were no problems or surprises. I have another appointment scheduled for next December which will mark my five year point. After that, I won't have to go back. I've already been released by the pulmonologist so the surgery/oncology release should be my last step. It's amazing to think that this will all be officially over with by the end of this year.

Four years

2011-11-06T23:02:00.000-05:00

This is the fourth anniversary of the day that I had the surgery to take out the lung tumor. I haven't had my official four-year follow up doctor appointment yet but it's very unlikely that I'll get anything but a good report.

This is a good news sort of day for me but it's a bittersweet one, too. I spent the day at a memorial service for someone who had died earlier this year. Troy had kidney cancer several years ago and after surgery and treatment it seemed gone for good. It came back, though, in a way that couldn't be stopped. Although the progression of the disease was very hard on him, he made the best of the time that was left to him.

Earlier this week I also heard that my friend Bruce had died. He had endured some serious health problems over many years but his death took everyone by surprise. Bruce lived out of town and I saw him last on a camping trip at the end of August. I will remember him for his laugh, for the sparkle in his eye, and for the way he could take joy in the simplest of things.

In contrast to these things, my brothers and their families got together at my house last night to see one of my nephews who is in the area for a few days. It was wonderful to see them together - laughing and talking about important and unimportant things.

So, on this landmark day for me I am reminded again of how lucky I am to be surrounded by dear family and friends. I am also reminded of how lucky I have been in many other ways. I so often lose sight of that. As I have said before - and have often failed to achieve - I will try to let the awareness of these gifts and gratitude for them guide my thoughts, attitude and actions.

October - some introspection and some fun

2011-10-06T06:20:00.007-04:00

Fall weather has come as we move into October. Some crisp days are welcome after the unrelenting grey skies and rain we had in September. Soon it will be Hallowe'en and then Thanksgiving and then that headlong rush into Christmas as the year ends. This year seems to be slipping by quickly. That was brought to mind more clearly to me yesterday when I heard that Steve Jobs had died. As self-centered as it seems, news like that always hits closer to home when the person is close to you in age. He was only a few years older than I am. He truly was a person who had everything except his health. That puts things so clearly into perspective - what's important and what really is not.

I have a two new residents at the house now. One is a little bird. I think it's a sparrow but it could be a wren. He (or she) sleeps every night on the post that supports my back porch. It's hard to get a good photo. Here's my best effort.
He shows up some time around dusk and leaves as soon as it begins to get light. He's been with me for about a month now. I look for him every evening.

My other guest comes from my brother who is away from home for a little while. His dog, Lucky, is staying with me. Lucky is old now and is almost blind from cataracts. He has always been a good tracker and retriever. It's clear that his sense of smell is as good as ever. He can zero in on unattended cat food quick enough. Here are two photos of him. The first was taken when he stayed with me many years ago. He looks sad but he was having a great time. He was just waiting for me to throw a stick into the water for him to fetch for the millionth time. The second was taken this morning. Poor old guy. He is still the happy dog he has always been and loves everyone.
We're getting along just fine. It's fun to watch the cat around him. She's usually scared of dogs but she also likes to protect her territory. At first she shied away from Lucky or hissed at him when he came near. He can't see or hear her, though, and isn't interested. Now she seems annoyed at the lack of attention.

And speaking of Sam the cat, I have a video. I took a quick movie of her just to see how it would look on the TV. She has never paid attention to the TV before but she perked up when she was on the screen. She didn't recognize herself, of course, and didn't like it that some other cat had invaded her territory. I decided to post the video on YouTube - adding to the giant volume of cat videos that are already posted on the internet. Here it is. It's good to have the sound turned up so you can hear her yell at herself.

The return of old friends

2011-09-06T12:47:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted anything here in quite a while and I decided recently that I should begin again. I'm starting back today because the sixth of the month has a significance for me. I had my lung surgery on November 6 and I hold this day of the month as a landmark - to remind myself to be grateful that everything went as well as it did.

These past few days have seen the return of some old friends. I had surprise emails from two people that I hadn't heard from in quite a while. It was delightful to reconnect and to catch up with them.

Following that theme, at my mother's house there were always datura plants growing by the driveway. They are remarkable plants that grow as perennials - dying to the ground in the winter but coming back every year as a substantial two or three foot plant. They produce beautiful night blooming flowers that have a rich scent.

I had planted some at the side of my house years ago. They thrived for a while and then faded away. I just recently found some seeds that I had saved from my mother's place. They were over ten years old. I planted many of them and nothing happened for months. Then this one plant emerged. It's now just over a foot high and flower buds appeared on it recently. Just last night the first flower opened. I could smell it before I saw it. It was, for me, the return of another old, dear friend.

A thought for the end of the year

2010-12-20T16:50:00.003-05:00

I bought a greeting card recently when I was in New York. It has a quote from Einstein that reads,

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I love that thought. I always lean toward the "everything is a miracle" side of things. I'm glad of that. It makes the days more enjoyable and interesting.

Whenever you read a quote like that, they never give you the source. I've come upon many "so and so once said..." quotes that are obviously foklore but people just keep passing them along. In this case, there's an excellent attribution on the wikiquote site. What I read there was much what could be expected. It seems as if Einstein said this or something like it but it's also possible that he may have been repeating something originally said by someone else. I like this thought and attributing it to Einstein gives it more punch so I'm choosing to believe that it came from him.

In touch with nature

2010-11-15T10:42:00.005-05:00

It was a beautiful weekend. I didn't get outside as much as I had hoped. There were too many other things to do. I still had a few interesting encouters with nature. I stepped out onto my back porch just as dawn was breaking on Sunday morning to find four deer looking back at me. They were hanging around back there and seemed very unimpressed by me. Then, while we looked at each other, a big and healthy fox came bounding out of the bushes, took a route through the group of deer, and then trotted under the red maple tree and away through the neighbor's yard. The deer didn't take much notice of that either and eventually divided into two sets of two and ambled away.

My other wildlife experience was to see a blue heron again this morning down along the river as I was walking. I have been taking those walks before dawn lately and haven't seen a heron for months. They might be there but I can't spot them. This morning one was right by the bridge and flew away as I approached. It's good to know that they're still in the area.

And finally, this was the weekend for the red maple to put on a show. It's usually a tawny burgundy color but for a few brief days in autumn it becomes a brilliant, pure red. In the late afternoon light it makes an arresting sight. I took these three photos yesterday afternoon. I think these are striking but even they don't capture the experience completely.

This is such a beautiful time of year.

Three years

2010-11-06T15:22:00.005-04:00

It's hard to believe that it could be true, but it was three years ago today that I had my surgery to remove my lung tumor. Since I started this blog to keep people posted on my progress, I can't let this day pass without mentioning it. Three years. It's difficult to remember all the details now. Some seem so recent that it could have been yesterday. Other parts of that experience feel as if they had happened long, long ago.

I was surprised today to see a flower delivery van outside the house. I was even more surprised when the flowers turned out to be for me. They came from my sister and brother-in-law. They sent them to me to celebrate this landmark day. What a glorious surprise! I'm including a photo of them below. I like typical autumn colors, of course, but for flowers I'm more partial to the brighter colors of spring and summer like these.

The cat is featured in the picture. She's very fascinated by flowers or greenery of any kind. I had to move these out of her reach.

A lot has changed for me in three years. I do notice a significant limitation in lung capacity. That's not really a surprise but I thought I might be doing better than this by now. I think the doctors were trying so hard to reassure me that I'd have sufficient lung left to get through the day that they made it sound as if I wouldn't notice a difference at all. I do have plenty of lung left. At my most recent visit to the pulmonologist, he told me that my oxygen saturation was over 95% and that I am doing well enough that i don't need ot go back to him ever again - unless some new unpleasant thing develops. I'm so glad to have made it to this point so smoothly.

This was a typically beautiful autumn day. I took the picture below from my kitchen window just a few minutes ago. I enjoy looking at that tree as the seasons pass. It stands so much higher than anything that surrounds it. That puts it at greater risk of wind and weather damage but it continues to thrive.

Assorted good news

2010-09-22T16:43:00.002-04:00

My birthday was two days ago. I had a wonderful day filled with celebrations and well wishes. I got some good news from my doctor, too, who had sent me for an assortment of kidney function tests. They all came out fine. And today I had a visit with my pulmonologist. He said that my lung capacity has increased a little since a year ago. He said that that was probably because I had lost weight and it would increase a little more if I continue on this path - which is my plan. According to his records I am down 9 pounds since last year. That's not a lot but I only really started this campaign in August.

He also told me that my oxygen absorption rate has gone up from about 80% to 97% since last year. That was really good news to me. I still have less lung capacity than I did before - since I have less lung to work with - but it's good to know that it's working well. He told me that improvement like this is to be expected after surgery. he also told me that I seem to be where I should be at this point in the process and that I don't need to come back unless something bad - and unanticipated - comes up. I'm very happy about this. He's a very encouraging and kind man but I welcome the idea of not having to go back. One more part of this whole saga that is completed. I've been working with this doctor for three years. It's amazing to think back over that time and think of all that has happened, how much I have learned, and how my understanding of things both medical and non-medical has deepened since it all began.

I haven't tagged one of these posts as a medical update in a long time this counts as one. A happy development today.

A walk along the river

2010-09-16T10:22:00.002-04:00

I was out for a meeting yesterday afternoon. It ended early and I planned to head home and plow through work email for the rest of the workday. It was so beautiful outside that I put myself down for a couple of hours of vacation time instead and took a walk.
I went to the Daniels area of Patapsco State Park. It's not far from my house and I sometimes take my kayak there to paddle up the river.

On foot, my favorite route there is to take a path along a ridge that meets the river about a mile upstream and then return along the riverbank. There are several stands of tall tulip poplars along that route. They seem to do well in the hollows between the hills. On windy days, which yesterday was not, it's fun to watch them sway back and forth.

I usually come upon deer in the woods and along the river I'll sometimes see turtles or frogs and occasionally a beaver. There are always geese. I think people feed them because when you get close to them they swim out to the middle of the river but then hang around and watch you. It's late enough in the year that they wouldn't be protecting a nest so I assume they're hoping for a handout.

The light along that part of the river is always good in the late afternoon but it's best at this time of year. Yesterday evening I was there early enough that there were very few other people around. Taking those hours off was a good decision.

Early September

2010-09-07T21:30:00.003-04:00

Well, it's early September already. This year is flying by in a way I've never experienced before. All of the signs of the coming autumn are showing themselves. When I go walking in the morning the constellation Orion is clearly visible in the sky. I go very early and at the same time each day. It's interesting to watch how Orion began close to the horizon and now it's high in the sky. This morning I started to learn the names of the stars in Orion. I'm impressed by people who can identify the stars.

It's interesting too, to see how the colors of the landscape have changed - slightly but definitely. All summer the fields and woods were almost the same shade of green. Now there are differences. There are deep greens, pale greens and yellow or brown greens. It's as if everything wants to show its individual identity before fading completely for the winter.

The animals I see in the morning are changing, too. In midsummer I see groups of deer. I've seen as many as seven at a time. Now I see mostly only solitary ones. And there are owls calling in the woods now. I see foxes regularly. That hasn't changed. They're always alone, although you can sometimes hear them barking as each other. This morning I saw one that was just playing in the grass by itself. He headed for the woods when he saw me but he wasn't in a hurry. There have been groups of ducks most of the summer huddled in a quiet, shallow spot in the river but I haven't seen them lately. It has been so dry that the river level is too low for them now.

I do see one cat in the same spot each morning. She just sits and watches me stroll by. I say hello to her every morning that we see each other. That's one of the advantages of walking very early in the morning. Nobody hears you when you're talking to a cat or a deer or a fox. And don't ask me why the fox is a he and the cat is a she. That's what feels right. I certainly don't know for sure.

In other news, I'm having a little success in the weight loss campaign. I'm down about six pounds. It's not noticeable as far as I can tell but someone did ask if I had lost weight. That gave me more motivation to stick with this. I still have a ton of weight to lose but I'm just going to chip away at it a little at a time. One plus is that I'm saving a fortune on lunches at work. It's pretty cheap to pack a lunch made up of a container of yogurt and a few rice cakes.

Second half of summer

2010-08-16T08:58:00.003-04:00

I'm on a campaign to lose weight. I've been loading it on for the past several years a little at a time and it has finally gotten to me. I'm hoping that my enthusiasm for this will hold. Many times it hasn't. Over the weekend I spent a little time observing people and I noticed how much easier daily things are for those who are thin. I've never been thin but I've never been this heavy. It's time to kick in with a weight loss campaign. we'll see how this goes. If I am to reach my real goal weight according to all the charts, I need to lose about 50 pounds. I'd settle for 30.

We are definitely in the second half of summer now. The roadside blue and white combination of Queen Anne's lace and chicory has given over to the gold and pink of black eyed Susan, goldenrod and Joe-pye weed. It's hard to believe that we're in mid-August already.

Back to walking

2010-07-13T08:12:00.002-04:00

With the torn Achilles tendon I had stopped taking morning walks. Even though the doctor told me that I was healed enough to go back to normal activity, I had fallen off that morning routine. I started back to it again today. It was a good morning for a walk. We had some heavy rain yesterday and it cooled down quite a lot though the night. In the pre-dawn hour, the misty air created quite a serene feeling. I saw a few deer and some foxes. At one point, two foxes ran across the road in the distance. One seemed to be chasing the other. I heard them barking a few moments after that. It's not mating season so either it was a territory battle or just a couple of chums playing around. It was interesting to see in any case.

I am going to try to stick with the morning walks now that I started again. I realize that I do some of my best thinking when I'm out early in the morning with no distractions. It's a good way to start the day.

Surgeon follow-up

2010-06-04T21:37:00.002-04:00

I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon today. All went well. There is always someone who does a preliminary exam and then the surgeon comes in and has a second look. They reviewed my CT scan images and report, examined and re-examined me, listened to my lungs and felt around for new tumors. At one point they asked me if I had noticed any new masses in my armpits. I said that I hadn't. Mostly I wanted to say that if I had found something I would probably have mentioned it without having to be asked. They're all very kind there. I don't think I present much of an interesting challenge for them. I'm glad of that.

I have now progressed to the point that I won't see the surgeon himself at my next appointment. I'll meet with some of the doctors on his team. They all seem remarkably competent (while being annoyingly young) so I know I'll be in good hands. So, now I'm officially documented at the two and a half year point. That's a good feeling.

Halfway there

2010-05-06T06:35:00.003-04:00

It was two and a half years ago today that I had surgery to remove the lung tumor. They talk a lot about a five year survival rate so I'm halfway there. This is a big landmark for me but not as big as it would be for some people. My tumor was less threatening and virulent than most.

Still, I got a letter from the hospital this week inviting me to a cancer survivor event. It's hard for me to think of myself in that light. I'm grateful that things are going so well.

I'll try to make the most of this day and spend my time on the really important things. One of those things was watching the sunrise. It was beautiful this morning.

Locust flowers

2010-05-03T21:37:00.004-04:00

The weather has been a roller coaster ride lately. We have gone from frost warnings to the mid nineties in the span of a couple of days. Sunday was hot and steamy, followed by a drenching rain overnight and cooler temperatures today. All of this came just as the black locust trees were blooming. There is another type of locust tree that grows in this area. It's the honey locust. Even with that name I can't imagine how they could smell any sweeter than the black locusts.

They are exceptionally laden with flowers this year, maybe because of the regular rains we had this spring. As the moist air cooled this evening, it was filled with the scent of the locus flowers. One of my fondest childhood memories is the smell of the locusts blooming in the woods behind our house.

This is one stage in the parade of scents that comes with spring in this area. The daffodils, hyacinths and lilacs have come and gone. Now the locusts will have a few days in the spotlight alongside the lily of the valley. They'll be followed by peonies, the roses and finally the wild honeysuckle. I love this time of year.

Trouble all around me

2010-04-26T06:42:00.002-04:00

Back when I was sick I was the one with the biggest problem. That is so far from true now. It seems that everywhere around me people are having trouble. There are medical, legal and financial issues as well as employment and family problems. I have been trying to think of things to do to help. It's difficult to come up with anything substantial. It's frustrating to be powerless to make a real difference. I will do what I can.

Easter and magnolias

2010-04-04T07:22:00.002-04:00

It's Easter morning. This has always been my most important religious/spiritual day of the year. I love to get up early on Easter morning and spend some time in quiet reflection and gratitude. In recent years the word Christian has begun to have as much a political meaning as a religious one. That saddens me because my political and social opinions are often not in line with that more conservative view. Christianity has taken on a reputation for being judgmental and restrictive. To me it always will be a faith of understanding, acceptance, and love.

I took a long walk this morning as the sun was coming up. This was the first time I have done that since the doctor told me that my Achilles tendon had healed. It was a perfect way to welcome Easter. The sky was beautiful as the sun came up and the air was filled with the scent of spring flowers and the songs of birds.

The magnolias were in full flower this morning. In many years, they get bitten back by a late frost. This year they seem to have thrived on both the deep cold and the branch-breaking snow we had this winter. They are spectacular.

I'm off to start on the preliminary preparation for Easter dinner for my family now. I am very grateful for this day.

Foot news

2010-03-22T11:08:00.001-04:00

I got good news today about my torn Achilles tendon. It's not completely healed but it is much better and has been improving steadily. I saw the doctor this morning and he gave me the all-clear to resume regular activities. I'll have to pay attention to it in case it acts up again. That shouldn't be hard. That thing really hurts when there's a problem so I won't hae any trouble noticing it.

I'm going to take a long walk tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to that already.

Geese overhead

2010-03-12T14:33:00.002-05:00

Twice yesterday I heard geese flying by. The first time it was light enough to see them, in a V formation, far above. The second time it was after sunset and I could only hear their voices in the distance.

When I was growing up, the geese would fly over our house each spring and fall. As soon as we heard them my mother would stop whatever she was doing and we would go outside to watch them fly by. This is one of my of my favorite memories.

I will always stop what I'm doing to watch the geese fly overhead. It reminds me to take time to appreciate the world and beauty that surrounds me, and it's a way of honoring the person who taught me to do that.

Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T12:57:00.002-05:00

It's Ash Wednesday. Lent is always a good time for me to take stock and make some personal improvements. This usually means that I'll be looking at my failed New Year's resolutions and giving them another try.

This year I have a list of various things that I hope to do daily. Some are as simple as making sure the dishes are done before I go to bed. Others are a more demanding and cerebral. Lent is good for this sort of thing since the religious tone adds an extra threat of guilt for not making good on my plans.

In the past we all tried to give up things for Lent. Lately the focus is to do something positive rather than give something up. I am following the positive action course this year but I did also decide to give up alcohol. That doesn't seem to be too much to ask. I've done it in the past and it's socially difficult but, luckily, not physically so! Of course when I made this vow I decided to book St. Patrick's Day as a free day. That seems only fair.

2010-02-13T22:17:00.003-05:00

I have fallen out of the habit of posting here. Recently I read back over some past entries and I was glad to have the record that they provided. I will try to get back to the routine of posting regularly.

In the last week we have had two blizzards. The first left about 30" of snow. The second was only 8-12". More is predicted in a few days. The snow amounts have broken records and I'm glad that I was here to see it. Everyone is tired of snow now, of course, and we still have plenty of winter to go. In the past, it usually warmed up here after a big snow so that it didn't hang around for long. That hasn't been the case here. It was cold, is cold, and is predicted to stay cold. The snow is not going away. I slogged up the low hill behind my house today and saw that there is quite a load of snow on the roof. My roof pitch is not steep. There have been some roof collapses in the area and I don't want my house to be one of them. If I can, I'm going to clear some of the snow off the roof before the next wave comes. Here are a few photos:

A view from my back porch. The snow is so deep that it's difficult to wade through it.

The front of my house after the driveway was cleared.

The light under the spruce tree in the front of the house.

Tracks left by birds in the light snow that drifted onto my back porch.
I leave seed out for them every morning.

So many dear ones gone

2009-11-25T14:15:00.002-05:00

I spent yesterday evening starting the final prep for Thanksgiving dinner. There will be ten of us at my house this year. I'm looking forward to it.

I have a couple of bittersweet Thanksgiving traditions. One is to buy a new container of poultry seasoning every year and mark the date on it. Once the holiday is over it goes into the Thanksgiving decorations box to be taken out and displayed the following year. I've been doing this ever since I started hosting Thanksgiving in 1996 when my mother died. We had found several containers of poultry seasoning in her kitchen cabinets and that somehow started this trend. It has been a long time now. This will be the fourteenth Thanksgiving with another seasoning container to mark the passing of a year.

We always make up a batch whiskey sours before dinner. We add a cherry to the glass for those who have died and often add extras for those we have lost in the year that is closing. This year there will be one for our Aunt Dolores, for cousin Joan and for Aunt Mary. I'll add one, too, for my friend Mary Jo's brother Jack. A small remembrance, it seems, but important to me at Thanksgiving. It reminds me to cherish the people I have with me and to be grateful for the time I had with those who have gone.

Tendon progress

2009-11-11T14:11:00.003-05:00

Well, I had my third foot doctor appointment today to talk about the torn Achilles tendon. He had the results from my second MRI. It turns out that my original tear was about 5.5 mm horizontally. That doesn't sound like much to me but it's just under a quarter of an inch and evidently counts as a reasonably large injury.

After two months with that boot on my leg the tear has healed its way down to 4 mm. That's about a 20% improvement. The doctor said that he thought we should give it another month to heal and check again. Surgery would mean that I couldn't put any weight on it for 6 weeks. Waiting another month in the hope that it might keep healing seems like a good option go me. I'll need another MRI in four weeks and will see him again in mid-Deecember. If it continues to heal then I'll keep wearing the boot even after that. If not, it'll be surgery for me. Something fun for the holidays.

Speaking of holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. For Hallowe'en I wore the boot and carried a jug with three X's on it. I was bootlegger. It looks like I might need to come up with similar holiday related boot decorations for the next few months, too.

I am trying to be positive about this.

Two years today

2009-11-06T08:51:00.003-05:00

It was two years ago today that I went in for surgery on the tumor in my lung. What a lot is different since then. And what a lot is the same. I haven't improved myself nearly as much as I had vowed to do. Personal change is harder than I realized.

This week I have been trying to help a dear friend who lost her brother to a sudden illness. It's difficult to do much of real substance but I tried to offer help where I could. The way her family rallied round him reminded me of the way my family and friends were with me when I was sick. I will be working to spend the day with a feeling of gratitude for all that has been given to me. I have been doing that more consistently lately but not as much as I would like. Landmarks such as this week has brought remind me how important it is to maintain that awareness. It lets me make the best of the time I have here.

Spring flowers in autumn

2009-10-01T10:57:00.006-04:00

There are some crabapple trees alongside the short walkway that runs from the building where I work to the parking garage. They bloom beautifully in the spring and are covered with red fruit in the fall. Whoever picked them as a landscaping feature made a good choice.

One of the trees isn't doing as well as the others and this year it seemed to get picked on by tent caterpillars, too. As I was walking to the office the other day, I noticed that it had put out one small burst of flowers among the red crabapples and the withered leaves. To me, there was something in that. You could consider it to be valiantly brave to be blooming as winter approaches or maybe just foolishly desperate to be taking one pointless last stab at flowering when there's no hope of bearing fruit.

Those little flowers have lasted for several days so far and I'm struck by them each time I pass by. Just this morning I began to wonder why they seem so significant to me. Something else to think about.

Birthday 2009

2009-09-21T22:00:00.004-04:00

Another birthday has come and gone. I had a wonderful day. I took an early morning walk along the river to find a geocache. It was located in/near a cool old log barn. The light was perfect at that time of morning.

It was a very cool morning and the mist was hanging low in the valleys and along the river. I took this short video of the curls of mist following the flow of the river downstream. It was very serene.

After that I met my brother John and his family for breakfast. I spent much of the afternoon on the phone talking to well wishers and in the evening I went to dinner with Sue, Harold, Cindy, Richard, and Mary Lou. It was a very good day.

I did get some health news in the days surrounding the weekend, too. I saw my pulmonologist on Friday. He said that I haven't shown any further loss of lung capacity since this time last year. By way of background information, they never got an accurate measure of my lung capacity from before the disease kicked in. The first test I had for that was after I had had the pneumonia and the tumor was suspected. It's likely my one lung was already compromised somewhat at that point. I'm showing a reduction of about 10 to 15 percent of lung capacity since then, due to the surgery. The fact that the lung capacity hasn't changed in a year is good news.

On another front, I went to the podiatrist today to see what the MRI had shown about my torn Achilles tendon. It turns out that it has a tear that involves about 1.5 inches of the tendon. From what he told me, if it's not treated it might snap or 'rupture'. Hearing that gave me the willies. I have to wear a large and cumbersome boot thing for four weeks. After that I'll have another MRI to see how much it might have healed. If it doesn't recover much, then I might have to have surgery. I'm not happy about that.

The boot is annoying but I'm going to do my best with it. If it allows the tendon to heal then it will have been worth the effort. I don't want to have the surgery if I can help it. I'll take whatever steps I need to get it as close as I can to 'good as new' so it won't give me trouble in the long term.

A new development

2009-09-09T10:57:00.006-04:00

Well, yesterday I found out that I have a torn Achilles tendon. Since I started this blog to report health info during my tumor episode, it seems fitting to record this latest news here, too. Actually yesterday was just the day I got confirmation about what is going on. I knew something had been up for over a year. It hurts A LOT some of the time but not consistently. Lately it started to swell so I went to the doctor who sent me to a podiatrist. That doctor sent me for an MRI which confirmed the tendon tear.

I think this all started up when I pulled the tendon in August of 2008 while getting ready for that 5K at Disney World. It has taken a long time to ripen into a problem. I don't know what I'll need to do to get this one fixed. Of course I went right to the web and read all sorts of conflicting information about theraputic footwear, physical therapy and/or surgery. I'll wait until the doctor fills me in when I see him later this month. In the meantime I'll be hobbling along as usual.

Speaking of hobbling along, I have been trying to keep up with the morning walks despite the whole tendon/ankle thing. This morning I came upon my first real autumn leaf. It was still dark so I took a photo of it with my snappy new Blackberry phone with a built-in flash. Here's that picture.

Just before I saw the leaf I spotted a deer on the edge of the woods. This one was a buck with antlers. While I often see deer in the morning before dawn I have never spotted a buck like this before. That was a cool experience. From what I have read, this is the time of year when you're most likely to spot a buck. They grow antlers over the spring/summer and they begin to shed their covering of velvet in August as autumn approaches and deer romance season begins. They evidently shed the antlers once the honeymoon is over in December or later in the winter. We looked at each other for a while in the half light before he trotted off into the woods. A nice way to begin the day.

Autumn arrives

2009-09-01T06:16:00.002-04:00

It was in the low 50s when I got up this morning. Yesterday you could tell that autumn had arrived. It was cooler than it had been for a long time and the light was different, particularly early in the morning and evening. Walking today the air was very crisp and clear. The moon had set by the time I started and I saw the constellation Orion for the first time since last winter. Orion is one of the few constellations that I can recognize and I always associate it with the autumn and winter seasons.

There were many deer out this morning. That could be due to the cooler weather or the fact that the moon had set and it was still very dark. I came upon eight of them in sets of one or two. One of them was standing next to the sidewalk as I went by and was very unimpressed by me. She just watched me mosey by. That was a memorable moment.

Two years ago

2009-08-17T06:39:00.002-04:00

It was just about this time two years ago that I was on the phone with my doctor and heard the words 'abnormal CT scan.' I try not to talk about these landmarks too much. I think it annoys people and I don't want to give the impression that I'm always dwelling on my past illness. Still, it was a major episode in my life. Before that phone call I was able to dismiss any worries as premature. After that moment it was clear that something was up. There were more tests and appointments to go before I really knew what was going on but by then I was on my guard to hear whatever news might be coming my way. Remembering these things helps me to hold onto the lessons I have been trying to learn from that experience.

A couple of trips

2009-08-14T07:15:00.007-04:00

I haven't posted anything here in some time. I've been busy with this and that and the blog got away from me a bit. This morning I realized that it had been over a month since I wrote anything here and it seems time to catch up. As usual, the summer seems to be slipping away very quickly. Aside from day to day things, I've been on two trips over the last month and a half that seem worth reporting. The first was to the American Library Association conference in Chicago in July. Chicago is a remarkable city with wonderful restaurants, striking architecture and lots of public art. It was interesting to see that the downtown area actually seemed busier over the weekend than it did during the week.

When we were there, we tried to see at least a bit of the city. One of the highlights for me was going out on the Skydeck Ledge at the top of the Sears Tower. It's and enclosed balcony with a glass floor. Here's a photo of me looking down through the floor.

Another adventure was to get up before dawn on our last morning there and watch the sun come up over Lake Michigan. We were very fortunate with the weather the entire week but that morning seemed particularly beautiful. It struck me how quiet it could be there by the lake right on the edge of such a big city.

At the very beginning of August, I went with Audra and her extended family (more than 25 of us) on a cruise on the Carnival Inspiration from Tampa to Grand Cayman, to Cozumel and back to Tampa. We had a great time, swimming with stingrays, snorkeling, eating, and dozing. Here is a photo of a sunrise from the back of the ship on the way from Grand Cayman to Cozumel.

And here is a photo of the beach in Cozumel. We went out in clear kayaks at that spot and went snorkeling afterward.

This is a carved melon at the midnight buffet one evening. I would love to be able to do something like this.

And finally, here are the very cool plastic trophies that Audra and I won when we went to the salsa dancing class. We didn't realize that they were going to have a dance competition right after the lesson. We gave it our best and tied with another couple. Our success was due to our remarkable talent, I'm sure, but I think it helped that we stopped off on the way to the lesson and sampled some of the ship's fairly potent tropical drinks.

Hydrangea

2009-07-10T12:18:00.002-04:00

The pink hydrangea that I bought for my mother almost twenty years ago hasn't bloomed since I brought it home in a pot from the grocery store. When I got home last night I saw that it had flowered. This may not seem like a big deal to most people but it is to me. I'm including a phone picture. What an unexpected and delightful surprise.

The heron and the crow

2009-07-08T13:21:00.003-04:00

In several posts on this blog I've mentioned times when I had seen a heron down along the river. During the time that I was really sick, seeing a heron at the river has always seemed a good omen to me. I always seemed to spot one at times when I had been at a low point and things were beginning to look up. I'm not all that superstitious but seeing a heron really does seem to go hand in hand with good news for me.

Lately I've been having to deal with an assortment of challenges - mostly at work. They are reasonably important but have been made more difficult than they really need to be due to various surrounding circumstances. I'm not sure how to proceed with some of them and was thinking about that on my walk back from the river this morning. When I was near my house I heard a loud, raspy call and looked up to see a heron flying overhead. It was being followed and pestered by a crow. They sailed along over the trees squawking and cawing in turn. That image has been stuck in my head all day. I knew how the heron felt.

Some wildlife and a foggy morning

2009-07-01T06:29:00.007-04:00

It's hard to believe that it's July 1. Half of this year has passed already. The summer seems to be flying by. On the drive home yesterday I noticed all the flowers on the roadside and in the highway median. They looked the way they often do much later in the season. Many had gone to seed already.

At home lately I've had an assortment of wildlife visitors. Last weekend I heard something tapping on one of the basement windows and looked out to see a turtle stuck in the window well. I think it was an eastern painted turtle. They're river turtles and this one must have taken quite a hike to get to my house - maybe on a trip to lay eggs. I have only ever seen box turtles in the yard before. This one was much more energetic and hissed at me when I went to pick it up. My friend Ellen was visiting that day and we took the turtle down to the river to let it go. It was satisfying to see it slip away into the water.

Yesterday a hummingbird came to my window box in the morning. It came back in the evening and I could hear it making little chirping sounds as it looked over the impatiens. I had never heard a hummingbird before. Later in the evening we had rain and when I was looking out the back door a big toad came hopping up. That was a surprise. I've also had the usual rabbits and deer in the yard. I see the rabbits all the time. I thought rabbits would be timid but these aren't. Maybe they're a new, gutsy species. They stroll about the yard and don't seem to care if I'm out there or not. Even the lawn mower doesn't scare them away. I don't see the deer but I see that lots of the taller plants in the yard have been nibbled down. It has to be deer that are doing that.

Because of the rain yesterday there was a low fog before dawn today. I did come upon a deer when out walking. Because of the fog we didn't see each other until we were fairly close. I think we were both surprised. It was a good morning to be outside.

Shadow and the fawn

2009-06-07T12:54:00.004-04:00

My brother Tom's dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Shadow. Ridgebacks are a dog breed that began in southern Africa. They were used to hunt lions. For anyone who has met a Ridgeback this is difficult to imagine. They're big and scary looking but they're some of the sweetest dogs I have ever met. Tom had an interesting experience with Shadow yesterday. Rather than describe it myself, I'll include the email he sent me here. I'm also adding the photos and the video clip he sent me. He told me today that this whole enounter lasted about half and hour.

From Tom: Shadow's new friend
I took my fierce lion hunting dog down to a big field near the college to run around and he found a new friend to play with, a tiny fawn that was too young to know any better. They had a good time, sniffing each other, running around, sometimes the dog would chase the fawn, sometimes the fawn would chase the dog. At one point, the dog laid down and fawn came over and started licking him, so I don't think the fawn was all that intimidated by the dog. I let them play for a while, until I noticed the fawn's parents were just inside the woods line, freaking out, so I leashed the dog and we left. Last I saw of the fawn it was standing alone where we left it. Now I know what the dog would do if he ever caught any prey.

This is one of the coolest things I've seen in a long time and I wanted to put it up here so that other people could enjoy it!

Too much bad news

2009-06-02T22:49:00.003-04:00

In the last few days I have had a constant stream of nothing but bad news. Two guys I know have had surgery and are now in treatment for testicular cancer. Another friend is facing the death of one person who was very close to her and the very serious illness of another. And today I heard that a friend of another friend was in a devastating car crash and will be paralyzed from the neck down.

I am reeling from all this. It is other people's bad news, I know. None of it is about me as they say. Still, it just seems as if disaster is dropping in from every direction and it is difficult to think about anything else. I suppose part of this feeling comes from not being able to do anything but just absorb this information. To insert myself in some possibly helpful way would just be intrusive.

I keep trying to find the message or lesson in all this so that God will see that we get it and won't want to test us further. I have had that thought before and realized then as now that it is mostly superstition masquerading as faith. Still, it is difficult to do nothing. I wish I could think of something that might help just a little.

Foggy morning

2009-05-28T07:18:00.004-04:00

This is a foggy morning. Fog creates such a serene feeling. That's a good way to start the day. When I walked down to the river I saw that the people who build the little stone towers in the water have been at it again. (see Surprising art - with a surprise from last June.) I had also seen them further downstream on Monday morning. When I spotted them that first time they made quite an impression. They seemed like such an unexpected, spontaneous burst of creativity. They seem a little overdone now. Sometimes a little bit of something really is better.

I heard wood thrushes again today, too. Wood thrush songs always seem to echo in the air. I don't know if it's the quality of their voices that create this impression or if they tend to locate themselves in places that echo. The foggy morning, the smell of the honeysuckle and the bird songs made a memorable start to the day.

A good year for locust trees

2009-05-15T07:20:00.003-04:00

When I was driving yesterday I noticed that the locust trees are blooming more heavily than usual this year. We have had a lot of rain in the last few weeks and that probably had something to do with it. This morning is cool and foggy and the air is heavy with the scent of the locust flowers. This has always been one of my favorite times of year. The locusts will be followed by roses and honeysuckle and peonies. They all perfume the morning air.

I have been busy with an assortment of duties and tasks lately and haven't had time to spend on some less pressing but more important things. It's easy to get caught up in that sort of whirl. I'll be working on changing that pattern now. It will take a conscious effort.

I'll start by leaving work a little early this afternoon to take the kayak out on the river. It promises to be a beautiful day and I don't want to waste it.

Another loss

2009-05-04T09:03:00.004-04:00

On Friday my aunt Joan died. Her name is pronounced as Joanne. She was actually my mother's cousin which makes her really a second or third cousin of mine. I'm not good at this sort of definition. To me, she fell into the aunt category - being part of the group of adults that we were paraded past when we went back to the Windber/Johnstown area to visit relatives. Joan lived in a really cool house up on Route 30 near Stoystown, PA and going to visit there was always an adventure. What I and all of my family will remember most about her is the way she laughed. She was an intelligent, direct, and matter-of-fact woman. Her laugh carried with it confidence, amusement, perspective and fellowship with everyone within earshot.

Losing Joan is to lose yet another of the constants from my childhood. There have been many such losses over these past several months. I will remember her always and will remember her laughing. That was a great gift to leave with us.

A morning of mishaps

2009-04-29T09:48:00.002-04:00

So, yesterday I mowed the lawn and trimmed down an assortment of weeds from an overgrown garden that I had been neglecting. I also made a chocolate mashed potato cake (pretty tasty) for the volunteer appreciation luncheon at work. This morning I woke up with poison ivy from teh yard work. When I went to wash the dishes from baking last night, a chunk popped out of the drain pipe under my kitchen sink. The water flooded the cabinet beneath and flowed out onto the floor. This made me late enough for work that I got caught in traffic, when the low fuel light came on in the car. I know from experience that I have a several miles left to go in a case like that but I had to stop for gas on the way to work which made me even more late than I had expected. It was one of those mornings.

I emailed my brothers who know a lot about house maintenance (see the post just before this one) with photos of the pipe problem. To me, the two possible solutions for this sort of thing are to call a plumber or to sell the house. To them, this is just a routine thing like mowing the lawn or vacuuming the floor. I heard back from both of them moment later with phrases like "easy to replace'" and "no big deal." I don't get it but I somehow lucked into this safety net and I'm glad of it. I may be washing dishes in the bathroom sink for a couple of days but that's easy to accommodate.

So, now it's time to kick in and start scratching the poison ivy. I'll have to deal with that one on my own!

Ax Men

2009-04-27T10:26:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I went out to my brother John's house to help take down a dead tree that was leaning over an old tool shed. My brother Tom and his son John were there to help too. Actually, brothers John and Tom did most of the work and nephew John was busy alongside them. I was there to do little odd jobs and pitch in when an extra pair of hands was needed. My brothers are both stronger than I am and have somehow gained a huge body of knowledge on how to do this sort of thing. I must have been out of the room when this piece of the family gene pool was being handed out. They both also have tons of useful tools and equipment. I try to help where I can during projects like this and always end up learning a lot. Here's a photo of what the tree looked like before we started.

It's hard to tell from this picture but the tree is leaning over the red shed quite a lot. We couldn't just cut it down. We had to dismantle it piece by piece. It took a long time.

This next photo shows the work in progress. John was the only one to go up in the tree. The rest of us were busy with ropes, tools and opinions.

Little is left of the tree now but there is still a bit of work to be done. Even though it was dead it's surprising how much more open the area seems now that it's gone.

I suspect John and Tom are sore today. They earned it. I have a bit of a sunburn and what Tom calls 'air show neck' from looking up all day. It was a good way to spend a Sunday.

Balanced awareness or over-dramatization?

2009-04-14T22:39:00.001-04:00

Lately several of my friends have faced serious health problems. Some of them have worked out well. While it hasn’t been easy for them, it’s a great relief to know that they have seen the worst of the current challenge and are on their way back. It remains to be seen how things are going to go for others. They are on my mind a great deal. While I had quite a dramatic run, it seems that I was let off the hook easily in comparison to others.

I have another routine follow-up appointment with my lung surgeon tomorrow. That required another CT scan and that was done today. In order to get the CT scan I had to go for blood tests last week. The novelty of all these tests has worn off. Now they seem just like more hoops to jump through – part of my payment for having gotten off the hook from that tumor.

I made a remark to someone the other day that these tests and appointments are the annoying part of not dying that I have to go through in order to get all the good things that life rolls my way. I meant it as a joke but there was truth in it, too. When I learned I had the tumor I vowed not to take as much for granted. At the same time I don’t want to moon along in the dramatic role of the disease survivor. It’s an interesting and difficult balance to maintain. I hope I’m doing a good job of it. It’s hard to know.

Easter canoe / kayak trip

2009-04-14T09:14:00.004-04:00

Over the Easter weekend I went with my brother John's family and friends on a canoe/kayak trip to the pine barrens in New Jersey. We had a great time. There were fifteen of us. It's quite a production with all the boats, camping equipment and food that we haul along. Here is a bunch of us getting ready for to paddle down the river on Easter morning. You can click on any of the photos to see a larger version.

These trips are always an adventure. Last year it was very cold. This year it was warmer but on Saturday it rained from just before dawn until late in the afternoon. We made the best of it. They come very prepared and luckily a lot of tarps are included. They were able to stretch enough of them over the cooking area so that we could all avoid getting soaked - mostly.

Every now and then someone has an unpleasant spill but for the most part the trips go smoothly. Coasting down the river is wonderful. I like to hang in the back and watch the people ahead of me laughing, talking, forming into one set of groups and then another.

It's not a traditional way to spend the Easter holiday but it seems right to me. Early on Easter morning this year was quiet and serene and sunny. That was especially welcome after the rainy and cold day that had gone before. It's fun to mix with the crowd but it's easy to get away for a little quiet time, too.

It's raining again this morning. I loved the camping and the boating but I'm also loving the chance to be at home in the warmth and listening to the rain outside.

Morning walks again

2009-03-20T06:43:00.002-04:00

I started back to taking morning walks. I needed to get some exercise and first thing in the morning seems like the only time that's consistently available. I do about three miles. Today I took the route that had the steeper uphill sections. That was maybe better exercise but it also gave me longer stretches of downhill. I like going out early before it gets light. It's very quiet then. Usually I don't see any people but there are animals about. This morning I saw came upon two groups of deer.

This has also been a bad week of health news for friends of mine. Two people with scary news. One is looking more hopeful now. For the other it's too early to tell.

Three times on the walk this morning a street light went out just as I got near to it and began to come back on just as I passed. That had a feeling of portent. If so, I'm counting on the light coming back on to be a good sign.

Requiem

2009-03-02T06:13:00.004-05:00

Yesterday evening I went to hear a concert by the Handel Choir of Baltimore. It featured pieces by several composers but the program was built around an Organ Suite and a Requiem by Maurice Duruflé. I had never heard of Duruflé, let alone heard any of his music. It was very beautiful and the performance was magnificient. I had known of the Handel Choir but had never been to any of their concerts. A co-worker invited me to it through Facebook and I'm glad of that. I'll be keeping my eye on their concert schedule in the future.

It's hard to hear a requiem without thinking about friends and family I have lost. There were several this year. Sometimes when I am thinking about those who are gone, I take a moment and try to recall their voices. Often I can remember actual sentences. Usually it's something happy or something very sad. Rarely anything in between. In many cases I can hear the way the person laughed. It's comforting to be able to do that. It keeps them close.

Picacho Peak

2009-02-12T00:04:00.013-05:00

Get ready, devoted readers (both of you). This is likely to be a long post. There are a lot of pictures in this one. Remember that you can click any photo for a larger version.

This was a very good day. My friend Tracy and his neighbor had both separately recommended that I should consider a trip out to Picacho Peak. It’s a mountain about half an hour out of Tucson on the way to Phoenix. I gave that a try today.

Picacho Peak is an Arizona state park. It is known for its wildflowers in the spring. You can also climb to the top of the peak. It’s a very forbidding looking mountain. Here is a photo that I took of it from a distance.

I spoke to the ranger at the entrance to the park and she told me that there were two ways to get to the top of the peak. One is a two-mile one way hike that was listed as difficult for the whole route. The other is a three-mile trip one way and was listed as moderate at the beginning and difficult at the end. I decided to take the easier way.

The trail went up hill quickly for a while and then leveled off and ran for quite a long time over small hills. Small by comparison to the peak in any case. I was beginning to think that I had taken a wrong turn when the trail angled to the left and began to climb the mountain in steep switchbacks. I was quickly out of breath which is partly due to being out of shape, partly because I’m minus some lung, and partly because I had put on some pounds over the last year and was lugging more of myself than I ever had to do before. It finally got to the point where I would count my paces – maybe 40 or 50 – and then take time to stop and catch my breath. I was determined to make it to the top but I was beginning to wonder whether I would be able to do it. The trail at this point was high up and had a steep drop on one side.

Finally I got to the spot where the real climb began. They have installed cables to help you get up some very steep, exposed spots. I met a couple who passed me on the trail just before the first set of cables. Here is a photo of one of them making that part of the climb.

That was followed by some more switchbacks and then another set of cables. I think there were four sets of cables in all. Hiking up the switchbacks was harder for me than climbing up the mountain using the cables. The cables let you put your arms into use. I come, as they say, from good peasant stock so I did better with that part. Here are pictures of two other spots where cables were in use.

a

The views at the top were amazing. There was nothing to break the vista in any direction. I am very proud to have hauled myself up there.

Coming down wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I was very glad to be down on reasonably level ground again. The desert was beautiful, as always, with tall saguaros stretching to the horizon. It was only a six mile round trip hike but it seemed farther. I’ll remember this day for a long time to come.

Snow in the desert

2009-02-11T09:30:00.003-05:00

OK, it didn't work out for us to get snow in the desert. There was snow in the mountains nearby yesterday morning. It just didn't make it as far down as us. Very beautiful nonetheless. I tried to drive into the mountains in the hope that I could see snow on some cacti but they had closed the road. That was probably just as well since I would have hated to crash the rental car.

A day in the desert

2009-02-10T01:44:00.005-05:00

I spent all day today wandering around in the desert. I had become a fan of geocaching a couple of years ago and decided to devote today to that. I had a very successful day and found 11 caches, including two that were multi-stage efforts. This proved to be a very good way to spend some time in the desert. I ended up going to many places that I wouldn't have seen otherwise and got to look at a lot of the desert close up. I'm sore; I have several bruises (only one is bleeding); and I have more than a few cactus spines that I don't think are completely removed. It was a great day.

I took some photos with my new camera. They seemed to come out well. It would be hard to mess up with a day as beautiful as this.

It was partly cloudy most of the day and windy. It was cooler than normal, too, but far from cold. A perfect day for rambling about. I'm glad that I had this day. The news here is full of predictions of snow in the desert for tomorrow. The last time they had measurable snow was seven years ago. Tomorrow they're predicting one to three inches in the valleys and more at higher elevations. I hope they're right. Snow on the cacti would be something to see.

---

P.S. on Tuesday morning at 6:50 a.m. - no snow after all. Too bad. They're still talking about it but just rain so far.

First day away

2009-02-07T08:42:00.000-05:00

This is my first full day in Tucson. The weather prediction is not good. Rain is expected later today and may last through Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. It is often not as rainy as they predict. My concept of a rainy day isn't the same one they have here.

I decided to make the best of this morning and went out for a walk through some of the desert to see the sunrise. It was very beautiful - and quiet. I took some photos and am including a couple of them here. I didn't take too many, though. On this trip I'm going to try to do a little less photographing and a little more seeing and remembering.

Pre-trip scramble

2009-02-04T09:46:00.002-05:00

I am leaving for vacation in a few days - heading out to Arizona to visit my friend Tracy. I am looking forward it. I haven't been on a real vacation since last year at this time. That was a trip to Arizona, too, and Barry joined me out there. It will be a bittersweet visit this time with all that has happened over this year. It will be good to see Tracy, Elaine, Karl and Jane again.

Thinking of it, I did go on one other trip aside from a couple of conferences. That was when Sue and I did that 5K down in Disney World. That was a whirlwind trip, though, and with the run (well, mostly walk in my case) at the very end we weren't really able to relax. It was a ton of fun, though.

Home again

2009-01-21T19:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was great. We ended up not going to the ball. The events of the day and difficulty getting around the city made it a challenge. We finally got back to the apartment at about 4 and the parade was just beginning. It was supposed to start at 2:30. That meant that the balls were going to run later than expected. We had hoofed it about seven miles through town and then stood for hours. It would have been another two mile walk to the ball and then three hours of standing around with the 7,000 other people who were expected to be there. Somehow the charm of that paled in comparison to actually having been in the crowd at the inauguration itself. We decided to head on home. Traffic on the way out of the city was amazingly manageable.

There were a million street vendors selling Obama everything. From what I could tell, the big sellers weren't actual inauguration souvenirs but chemical hand warmers. They were a big hit. I didn't need to have a lot of stuff but I did want to get some sort of souvenir. I bought this "I was there." button.

Making history

2009-01-20T13:50:00.000-05:00

Well, the day was cold and it was a little difficult to hear but I was on the spot today when history was made. It was good to be in the crowd.

I wanted to have a great photo of the inauguration to include with this post but the photos of the capitol building were the best I could get. I'm using the photo above instead. According to the people who were waiting by the fence when I passed by, this is George W. Bush leaving by helicopter.

My view

2009-01-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

Evidently there was a problem with the number of tickets. We made it through the gate but there was nowhere to go after that. Some of us spotted this view through a fence and we're camped here. It's not perfect but it's a view and we can hear. Many people behind us who also had tickets won't make it in at all.

This may be the last post for a while - at least the last with a photo. Service seems to be getting spotty.

Still in line

2009-01-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

The line is moving slowly in little bursts of activity. At least we can see the actual gate now. That's a plus. It feels colder now that we aren't moving much.

This is fascinating but the crowds are unbelievable. At this exact moment I'm looking forward to a trip to Tucson in February where it will be warm and I can go someplace where I can be the only person for miles.

In line now

2009-01-20T08:08:00.001-05:00

Well, we made it to the lines. It took about two hours to walk down to and then around the mall to the spots where our lines begin and then another 10 minutes to get to the end of the line. This picture doesn't really capture the crowd but it's the best I could get.

Back from dinner

2009-01-19T19:22:00.001-05:00

We wandered around Capitol Heights this afternoon and ate at a Mexican restaurant. It was about a block from Ben's Chili Bowl where Obama stopped earlier this month. The line at Ben's was down the street and around the block. It was a hoot.

We decided to make an early evening of it so we wouldn't be too dragged out tomorrow. We're back in the apartment now reviewing our strategy for tomorrow morning. We'll need to walk about four miles from here to the security checkpoint so we want to get an early start.

Down in D.C.

2009-01-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

OK, we made it this far. Mary Jo and I are staying overnight with her friend Randy. We gave him a break and decided to go out for a while. Here we are on U Street.

Off to the inauguration

2009-01-19T08:06:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe but I'm going to the inauguration tomorrow. Mary Jo, my friend since high school, has worked with the Democratic National Committee ever since I can remember and was able to get tickets. We'll also be going to the mid-atlantic inaugural ball tomorrow evening. I've got my glad-rags ready to go for that. We'll be leaving this afternoon to stay with a friend of Mary Jo's who is within (long) walking distance from the events. Mary Jo will be located in the seated area closer to the Capitol. I'll be in the standing area on the mall beyond the reflecting pool. I'm VERY glad for this opportunity. If I can pull it off, I'll post photos on Flickr and Facebook when I get back but it's easy to email them in to this blog so if I get any good photos I'll post them here first.

Woo hoo!

A sad loss today

2009-01-07T15:45:00.003-05:00

I heard today that my aunt Dolores died. We were nearly out the door on our way to see her when the news came in. Dolores had been very ill for some time and I'm relieved for her that the difficult time has ended. But that's a bit of rationalization on my part. The selfish me wants her back.

I guess, legally, Dolores doesn't count as an offiical aunt. Her husband Steve was the brother of my mother's sister's husband. Confusing, I know, but maybe this will help:
Dolores -married- Steve -brother of- John -married- Kathleen -sister of- Nancy (my mother.)

When my mother and father left the Windber/Johnstown area to live in Baltimore, Steve and Dolores were the only hometown people who were living here too. I remember my mother telling me about the times when my sister died and when my father died. Steve and Dolores were right by her side in an instant. She said that she wouldn't have been able to make it through those times without them.

Dolores has always been a constant in our lives. Steve and Dolores came to our house every Thanksgiving. After both my mother and Steve had died, Dolores came to Thanksgiving dinner at my house. In recent years she hadn't been well enough to make the trip and the holiday was dimmer because of that.

We have made many, many trips up to the Johnstown area over the past few years to visit family. With Dolores gone, I realize that we have lost our last real tie to that area. So sad in many ways.

Steve was always quiet while Dolores was happiest when she was chatting with someone. Although I don't remember it, I evidently once referred to them as Stevendolores and the man who comes with her. My family has never let me forget that. One of many memories that I will hold onto now.

At Thanksgiving we always had whisky sours as a pre-dinner cocktail. Over the years we have added extra cherries in memory of those who have gone. I will say a rosary tonight and then I'll have a whisky sour with an extra cherry for Dolores. She would appreciate both those things.

A mission statement for 2009

2008-12-31T16:15:00.007-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about the last two years and all that has happened over that time. Some great moments and some truly terrible ones. At this time last year I had vowed to live my life more fully and deeply than I had done in the past. As this year ends it is obvious to me that I didn't do a very good job of that. I took some time to think about the person I would like to be and listed some words that would describe how that person would live. I came up with eleven of them. I know I will make various task and accomplishment related resolutions as the new year begins and I hope that I'll be able to keep some of them. My one real resolution this year will be to check in regularly - daily if possible - to see how well I have met my character mission statment. It is:

I will remember that my time here is brief and will live with love, kindness, understanding, patience, wisdom, awareness, purpose, strength, faith, gratitude, and joy.

I'll need to practice these. I don't know if I could even list them all correctly from memory yet. I put them in that order for a reason because they all seem to relate to each other. To help me remember them, I made an eleven pointed star diagram. It is far from high quality graphic work but it will do the trick for me. Here it is.

A poem - a prayer

2008-12-30T11:56:00.003-05:00

I needed to get something from my car today and decided to go out without a coat since I was parked fairly near to the building. People told me I would freeze but I thought a jaunt into the cold would be bracing. It was a little disappointing when I got out there to find that it is 55 degrees at the moment.

Still, the experience I had anticipated having made me think of a poem - A Prayer by Sara Teasdale. It seems a good sentiment for the end of this year, and is likely to be a little more applicable since the temperatures are supposed to drop significantly over the next few days.

A Prayer

When I am dying, let me know
That I loved the blowing snow
Although it stung like whips;
That I loved all lovely things
And I tried to take their stings
With gay unembittered lips;
That I loved with all my strength,
To my soul's full depth and length,
Careless if my heart must break,
That I sang as children sing
Fitting tunes to everything,
Loving life for its own sake.

Yesterday morning

2008-12-29T06:47:00.006-05:00

We are having unusually warm weather and when I got up yesterday morning it was already nearly 60 degrees outside. I decided to go for a walk along the river and had a wonderful time. It was a grey morning with fast moving clouds. Maybe because of the clouds there were very few people out and I saw nobody for quite a long time. The mist on the river created quite a mood. It takes more photographic skill than I have to capture something like that well but here is a photo of the river as I crossed the bridge at the beginning of the route.

I walked for quite a way and on the way back the clouds began to clear. The wind was moving them along quickly and the light show on the trees and the river was beautiful to watch. I climbed out on a rotten log and took this video with my snappy new camera. This doesn't do the moment justice - it was one of those 'you had to be there' experiences - but I'm glad I have this anyway.

When I was nearly back to the car I came upon a heron feeding in the river. This heron was remarkably unimpressed by the presence of people and watched camly as joggers with big dogs trotted by. I was able to take this picture.

The heron and I looked at each other for quite some time. I finally realized that mealtime probably wouldn't continue while I stood there so I moved along.

I hope the memory of this morning stays with me.

Christmas has come and gone

2008-12-26T10:36:00.003-05:00

Christmas was a great success. Everyone seemed to have a good time and all the meals came out well. There was less of a focus this year on presents which was refreshing. That removed a good deal of the pressure that seems to surround the holidays.

I'm looking forward to a similar tone through the rest of the holidays - some relaxing, quiet times spent with friends and family. Sounds ideal.

Well, this was odd

2008-12-12T09:53:00.004-05:00

A few days ago I set up Google Analytics to track activity on this blog. It doesn't report anything that would identify a particular person who visits but it let's me know if anyone at all happened to stop by.

One of the reports gives a list of sites that link to the blog. It only reports them when someone actually follows the link and views one of my posts. I was surprised to find that my post with poems by Christina Rossetti and Sara Teasdale had recently been linked from an AP English blog from Fremont, California. My post is cited dispassionately but not inappropriately as being "from the POV of a cancer patient." It's odd because after this long year I still feel a bit like a pretender in that role. My disease has been dramatic, of course, but far less scary or threatening than those some others have fought. I am grateful for having been passed over and wish deeply that all of those dear to me could have been as fortunate.

Official one-year surgeon appointment

2008-12-10T21:07:00.003-05:00

I had my one year follow-up appointment with the lung surgeon this afternoon. All of that went as well as could be hoped. My lungs sounded good and the x-ray was what they had hoped to see. I go back again in four months now.

I am happy about this but can't be too happy this evening. The waiting room for the surgeon is next to the waiting area for the pediatric oncology department and while I was there several families came in. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them. I won't soon forget this day.

Decorating the tree

2008-11-30T17:38:00.003-05:00

I started decorating for Christmas today. I usually leave the tree for last but I started with it this year. Decorating the tree is always a melancholy part of the holiday season. I have an assortment of ornaments that I have collected over the years and they bring back a lot of memories. I realized today that I can recognize most of them from their feel through the tissue paper before I unwrap them. They're like old friends I get to see only once a year. I won't get a chance to finish the tree until tomorrow. When that's done I'll post a picture of it here.

Thanksgiving preparations

2008-11-25T21:36:00.002-05:00

Everything seems to be coming together for Thanksgiving. I have taken inventory of all the dishes I have traditionally used - those that came from my mother's house and other things I have collected over the years. Seeing these things is a little like getting together with old friends that I see only once a year. They bring back a flood of happy memories. It will be good to host the dinner again. I couldn't do it last year. All the supplies are in stock aside from a few items I'll pick up tomorrow afternoon.

I'll have to study up on how long to cook the turkey again. THe FDA web site says to allow one pound of turkey per person. I'll have eight people and bought a 23 pound turkey so I should be OK on that front. The stuffing will be great and I have a new, easy and tasty home made cranberry sauce recipe. I still don't know what to do with those yams, though. I'm not good at yams.

Monday, Monday

2008-11-24T06:31:00.003-05:00

I'm puttering about the house getting ready for the week. I made it through the weekend successfully not getting anything ready for Thanksgiving so I'll be on the case with that for the next few days. We'll have a smaller than usual group this year - only eight of us - so Thanksgiving dinner should be a snap to prepare. I bought a 23 pound turkey anyway. I figure if you're going to spend all the time preparing a turkey it might as well be a big one..

This week promises to be a frantic one at work. We have several people out for the holiday so everyone who is left will be hopping.

I have a doctor appointment this afternoon. Just a general follow up to the year that has gone before. He'll probably just tell me I'm too tubby and out of shape. I'm not looking forward to that but if that's all the bad news I get then I'll take it.

John, Jennie and I went to see our aunt yesterday up in Johnstown. She seemed just a bit weaker and quieter than she had been the last time I was there. While she said very little she did eat all of the crabcake that we had brought to her. I was glad of that. It's often hard to know what to do to brighten a day. Most of the time just showing up is enough, I think.

Heron return

2008-11-18T15:55:00.002-05:00

I saw the heron in the river again this morning. That was reassuring in a way. It had been a long time since I'd seen her and I thought by now she might have left for the winter. Of course, I can't tell if it's a male or a female or if it is even the same heron from one time to another. Still, the herons have been a constant for me over the last year or so and have taken on a significance for me. It was good to see that she is still there.

Flowers by surprise

2008-11-11T17:27:00.006-05:00

I got flowers today. They came from my sister and brother-in-law to help me celebrate my big one year mark. They're very beautiful with roses, alstromeria, snapdragons, carnations, lilies and stock. There's also some other flower that I don't recognize. The stock and lilies are very fragrant which is great. Here's a photo...

It's hard to get good lighting on them in my office so imagine them even more beautiful than this picture suggests. Despite all the challenges and problems that the workday presented, this has been a very good day.

Happy news

2008-11-11T11:57:00.004-05:00

I have two friends who had been going through some difficult times - one with employment problems and one with a big health scare. Today they both called me to report that all is well. The job issue has been solved and the health scare turned out to be a false call. What happy news. Both of these things had been going on for some time and that sort of looming disaster can be so debilitating. It's good to know that those burdens have been lifted.

In other news, my fancy phone/organizer acted up today and may be dying. I don't quite know what to do ith it. Compared to other issues this is not a major problem. Maybe this is some sort of cosmic trade-off where I have to pay with an annoyance to get some good news. If so, then I definitely got the better end of the deal.

One year

2008-11-06T06:33:00.004-05:00

Today is my one year surgery anniversary. It has been a hard year with recovery from the lung surgery, the other much less dramatic hernia surgery, some serious challenges at work, and most of all the crushing loss of my friend Barry. This has all left a profound mark on me. Thinking back, what strikes me is that it was a year of love. I am still overwhelmed by the kindnesses that were showered on me. I have such a wonderful family and the best possible friends. I am also very grateful for the time that I spent with Barry and Rick and am glad to have a job that let me go when I needed to go.

I will hold this year in my mind and heart. I will continue let what I have learned guide my choices and actions. It was a year that let me see clearly what is most important in life. It is my job to show that the lesson has been learned.

Election day

2008-11-04T11:16:00.002-05:00

I was up early this morning to get some things done before heading out to the polls. This is an election that I didn't want to miss. I got there at 6:30 (the polls opened at 7:00) and there was already a line. It was worth it. It was easily the most important thing I'll be doing today.

As this election has been approaching I keep thinking of lines from the old hymn, "How Can I Keep from Singing." Among others, Enya recorded it on her Shepherd Moons album. The lines that keeps coming back to me are,

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

I'm certainly not wishing death knells on anyone, but I would welcome a new direction and a chance to rejoice with friends - both far and near.

Morning walks

2008-11-03T12:49:00.002-05:00

I've begun morning walks again. I had fallen off of that after the big 5K trip in September. I went again this morning for the first time since then and did what is now my usual three mile route. Some of the enthusiasm came from my biological clock not having caught up with the time change. Despite one-hour time shift I started and finished the walk in the dark.

It was an interesting morning. It is deer romance season and there were deer everywhere. They don't seem to mind if you don't come up on them too closely. I try to make sufficient noise walking so that I don't take them by surprise. I don't want to be one of those people who is featured in the news as a victim of a freak deer attack. Most of the deer I saw were small. They must be this spring's youngsters.

I also saw a fox and a little rabbit. Luckily for the rabbit I didn't see them both at the same time. There were also lots of things skittering about in the woods along the road. Now that the dry leaves are coming down it's hard for anything to move quietly through the trees.

This year's pumpkins

2008-11-02T22:54:00.002-05:00

Halloween has come and gone. My neighbors threw a community party. I made a lot of food and was able to support the decorations with all the assorted Halloween stuff I've collected over the years. I also did some pumpkins again this year. Here's a picture of the 2008 crop.

One of these years I'm going to invest in some of those artificial pumpkins that you can carve since I cut similar faces into them each year. Still, there's something about the real thing that would be hard to re-create.

An interesting evening

2008-10-29T09:21:00.002-04:00

We had some brisk winds in the area yesterday. The drive home was quite a challenge. Traffic wasn't bad but there were lots of power outages and some important traffic lights were out. I had to take an alternate route to my house because a tree had fallen across Main Street in Ellicott City, blocking the road and taking out several telephone poles. My house had been without power most of the day but it was back on by the time I got home.

I walked down to the river this morning before dawn and power hadn't been restored to Main Street yet. There wasn't much moonlight and it was remarkable how dark the street was. The nights are usually bright with street and house lights in my area. It was interesting to get this view of what it must have been like in earlier days. Much easier to imagine those images in novels of creepy scenes on foggy London streets. It was a good morning.

Sore today

2008-10-21T11:12:00.003-04:00

Well, this was unexpected. I finally started doing some exercises - after over a year of doing no strength training at all. I'm sore a bit, which isn't a surprise, but the spot where they cut through my back hurts quite a bit. I guess that I should have seen that coming but after nearly a year I didn't think it would have been the case. It will go away in time, I'm sure, and would probably have happened no matter when I took this back up. The sooner I get back into a routine, the sooner this minor issue will correct itself.

Colder weather

2008-10-07T15:47:00.003-04:00

It got down to the upper 30's at my house this morning. I still have some of the windows open so it was fairly crisp in the house. Last year at this time I was gearing up for my big event and bought an assortment of warm fleece things to wear. I also received a very soft robe and an electric throw so I am enjoying the opportunity to put them to use again. While it was a series of experiences I'd be happy not to repeat, many good things did come from the events of this past year. Those warm clothes are among the things in the plus column.

Eleven months

2008-10-06T12:40:00.003-04:00

This is my 11 month surgery landmark. I'll stop counting monthly in November. At least I'll stop counting here. But these monthly acknoledgements still seem like landmarks to me. So much is different from this time last year.

I thought this morning a lot about how I vowed to be different because of this experience and how I haven't made good on that. I will pay more attention to that in October so that I'll be able to feel that I actually progressed somewhat through this year.

The weather was glorious this weekend although I didn't have much time to revel in it. Lots to do. I did notice that the trees are beginning to change everywhere now. In the spring each tree shows up individually as leaves come out freshly pale green. In the summer the trees appear as a group - a uniform, richer green. You don't hear people saying, "that tree" as much as "those trees", or "that forest", or "that hillside." As the leaves age into the autumn each tree can be identified separately again. It's almost as if each wants to be noticed as different from the others before moving into the cold of winter. That makes sense to me.

Another birthday celebration

2008-10-05T17:17:00.007-04:00

I have just returned home from a birthday celebration with my friends the Rubes on the Loose (Sue, Cindy and Mary Lou). They took me to Toby's Dinner Theater to see The Producers. It was a very good production. They also gave me gifts which seemed too much but which I enjoyed quite a lot. There were too many to list here and I don't want to make anyone jealous.

One is worth special mention, though. Sue and I have mentioned that we often put important things in 'a safe place' and then can't find them again. Sue's daughter Sarah made me a safe place box to use for that purpose. It includes this warning, "Caution: Moving this box can cause you to lose it, feel worried, frantic, sick, confused, disorganized, and hungry. Ingestion of this box after finding or ever will cause major weight gain due to stress of not having s safe place." And on the side it says, "Do not eat or move."

Inside it included a portable safe place (also shown in the picture above) for me to use when traveling. I will make good use of this!

A sluggy week

2008-10-03T15:55:00.004-04:00

I have lived like a slug this week. Probably a reaction to having pushed to get ready for the 5K last weekend. I'm hoping to get back in the swing soon.

The cool weather has arrived and that always makes me want to curl up. Little by little we're creeping up on the days when the drive to and from work is made in the dark. "Soon will the winter be on us, snow-hushed and heartless" as the poem goes. Not yet, though, so I want to take advantage of what daylight there is to get the yard and garden cleaned up and ready for winter.

A big step

2008-09-29T13:26:00.012-04:00

The Start sign at the beginning of the course

Last weekend, Sue and I went down to Disney World to participate in the Everest Challenge endurance event. It included a 5K run, a short obstacle course, and a scavenger hunt. Sue had heard about it and suggested that we sign up. For me it was a landmark way to put all the challenges of last year behind me. I had been walking some but not in any sort of athletic way so about six weeks ago Sue and I started a program of timed 5K walks to get in better shape. It worked. We did our 5K in our best time ever. We checked the results and we came in with the bottom third of the participants but that's way better than dead last. The course was through the Animal Kingdom park and they kept the park open for the participants after the race so that we could ride the rides and relax a bit. It was a ton of fun. The event was held on Saturday evening. Animal Kingdom usually isn't open at night so it was fun to be there in the dark. The lighting on the Everest ride and the water ride was impressive. It wasn't crowded at all so we were able to go on the water ride three times in a row. We were soaked but happy.

In front of the Tree of Life in the Animal Kingdom park

A view of the Everest ride from a bridge at Animal Kingdom

While we were there we did an assortment of other fun things, too. On Friday evening we went to Pleasure Island to go to the Adventurer's Club one last time (first time for me). It closed for good on Saturday and was jammed when we were there. We also toured through Epcot. I had been there before but we did several of the things that I had missed or were new since I was there last. The Soarin' ride was really cool.

What with one thing and another I had slipped way out of shape over these last few years and at this time last year I didn't think I'd be doing anything like this again. This event was a BIG DEAL for me. I had a wonderful time and am grateful to Sue for setting it all up.

Our very cool medals and the race shirts. We got the standard event shirt plus Sue ordered us team shirts. Our team name was Bluffingwildly.

Birthday has come and gone

2008-09-22T14:59:00.003-04:00

The birthday weekend was a very quiet one. That is just what I was hoping for. Last year I had a spectacular series of celebrations (see "A wonderful day" from last September.) That was a big year and the birthday came at a time when the lung surgery was looming in the near future. It was reassuring that this year there is nothing going on that would call for a big acknowledgement of the day. I had a great time, of course, with dinner with my family on Sunday and other time spent with friends. Just what I had hoped for.

I mentioned to my brother John yesterday that I am now older and chubbier than I have ever been in my life. He pointed out that it was OK to work on not getting chubbier but that getting even older was actually a good thing. A wise perspective.

Monday, Monday

2008-09-15T10:35:00.004-04:00

Well, the weekend has past and Monday has come again. I have had a busy day of it trying to get things done early because I will be out at a lot of meetings at the end of the week.

The weekend was good but too busy. I did learn one thing, though. At a party someone jokingly (I hope) asked when I was going to stop talking about the lung surgery. I know I do refer to it a lot so I'm going to try to be conscious of that and keep a lid on remarks about it.

My home computer died over the weekend. That was a bad piece of news. I'm going to be working to buy a new one and to figure out how to extract the data from my old hard drive. I know that's possible but I'm not quite sure how to approach it yet. I guess I'll be getting a new computer for my birthday - and delaying the someday purchase of a fancy new TV.

All good news

2008-09-10T15:09:00.003-04:00

I am home from the pulmonologist and surgeon appointments. All of the news was good. Here are the pivotal words from the CT scan report, "There is no evidence of infiltrate, consolidation, mass or nodule." I had no indication that I would get any news other than this but it had been on my mind a lot nevertheless. So many others have received worse and completely unexpected news this year.

My pulmonologist, Dr. Nanavaty, gave me a lung function test today, too. From what he told me, I have about 80% of the lung function that would be expected from someone of my age, race and sex. He doesn't have any measure from before I got sick so he compares me to the statistical standard. He did have the pre-op test results and it turns out that the lung capacity is about 10% less now than it was before the surger. That makes sense. I had evidently been working with less than the usual amount of lung when that first test was done.

I will have to go back regularly for follow up testing but they don't seem scary now. What a year, or couple of years this has been.

An interesting piece of information

2008-09-09T11:17:00.006-04:00

I read news item online this morning about a study that shows that intellectual activities can cause you to eat more. It was lead by Jean-Philippe Chaput at Laval University in Quebec City, Canada. According to the study, people who were involved in more intense mental activity ate 29.4 percent more calories. This was very liberating for me to read. Now I can attribute any weight problem I might have to my overactive brain rather than my underactive body. This is good news. Of course, the article does go on to say that people who eat less have greater mental acuity and, of course, are thinner. I might think about that over a bag of chips.

I don't know how long the article will be availalbe online but I read it here: http://www.livescience.com/health/080904-brain-food.html

CT scan done

2008-09-08T11:36:00.008-04:00

This morning I had the CT scan for Wednesday's follow-up appointments. Aside from a little insurance authorization issue that all seems to have gone well. I did feel the effects of the iodine contrast injection much more this time than last time. I didn't have any bad reactions, though.

Here's a little video of the CT scan. This time I only got top-down images rather than front to back ones. It's not expected to show anything surprising but it could be full of unusual things for all I can tell. It looks like there are two separate runs with different levels of contrast. Here's some infomation I just learned - while the scan goes from top down, the view is the one you would see if you were looking up from my feet. That means that right side where lung was removed is shown on the left.

There is no sound on the video. I was half tempted to add some sort of revolting squishy noises but that seemed to be a little too much. They don't anticipate that I'll get any scary news from this scan but I don't want to press my luck by being too flippant. It could be superstition but it seems to me that medical surprises usually come just as you've begun to let your guard down.

An interesting day

2008-09-08T08:20:00.008-04:00

Yesterday my brother John and I drove to visit our aunt Dolores who has been sick and is in a rehab facility in Portage, PA. The visit went well. We took a Baltimore crabcake sandwich and that was a big hit. All in all, just visiting seems to mean so much. I learned a lot about that last year.

For the trip back we decided to take the scenic way along old Route 30 through to Gettysburg and then home. On our way we stopped by the Buchanan's Birthplace monument. It's tucked back in a little park in Pennsylvania. Here's a picture of John and me in front of it.

Just before Gettysburg we came across a great place that sold all sorts of concrete lawn ornaments. it seemed like a good idea to stop. They also sold some pottery items and John ended up with a couple of those. I left with a really cool concrete gargoyle. I don't quite know what I'm going to do with it but I couldn't pass it up. It will look great peeking out from under a bush. I'll have to feature it somehow for Hallowe'en first. Here's a photo in its current location. I had to put it on a tarp and drag it up the hill into the back yard.

Moving into September

2008-09-07T06:23:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my ten-month surgery landmark. It seems as if it was much longer ago now. I'm looking forward to the doctor appointments this week where I'll find out how much lung capacity I have left and will verify (I hope) that the CT scan shows that all is well.

Tropical storm Hanna blew through yesterday. That turned out not to be too much trouble. We did get some rain which was a plus. It is beautifully clear this morning and I just got back from my walk. Looking back, I do three miles in the morning now in about as much time as it took me to do less than a mile this time last year. Some of that is just due to routine but I think it must be a good sign.

The river was not too high this morning. I have seen it much higher after a summer thunderstorm. It may well have been higher yesterday, of course. On my way down I thought about how long it has been since I've seen a heron. I didn't expect anything today since the water was still moving at a good clip. As I was going over the bridge, though, a bird let loose with a very loud, raspy call. I couldn't see it in the darkness but when I got home I checked some bird song websites and sure enough, it was a heron. That was reassuring somehow.

Autumn is obviously on the way now. There are a lot of crisp leaves along the sides of the road (OK, maybe not so crisp this morning) and the autumn flowering clematis is in full bloom. Everything smells like autumn, my favorite season.

It occurred to me just this morning that my birthday is coming up in just under two weeks. What a wonderful time I had last year with the trip to Colorado with my family. There was a lot looming at that time. This year should be a quieter time, a more typical birthday. I'm glad to think that nothing out of the ordinary will seem necessary.

Small thrill

2008-08-31T21:07:00.003-04:00

It has been a nice but low-key holiday weekend. My biggest thrill was buying a new vacuum cleaner yesterday. I have been using an old Hoover upright that I bought for $5 at a thrift store about 16 years ago. It finally bombed out on me. I bought a fairly low-end new Hoover now and it works great. I am having a great time vacuuming up a storm. It's probably sad that I'm enjoying this so much but that's the truth. Another big day in my life!

Appointments to prepare for appointments

2008-08-27T11:19:00.003-04:00

OK, the CT scan is scheduled as of this morning. It turns out that I had to schedule some blood work before I can have that. And before the blood work can happen I have to pick up a form that says what tests are needed. So, for the one actual doctor appiontment to come off as scheduled I have to make three prelminary trips to different spots. It's interesting how all this works. I'll do all this gladly with the expectation that the news from all these test and appointments will be good. I don't expect to hear anything but positive news but it's hard not to get jumpy as these things approach.

I'm looking forward to seeing what the CT scan results look like. Last time I had one of those I was able to convert the image files into a movie. I'm hoping to do that again this time so that I can compare the two. It'll be interesting to see what it looks like with less lung taking up space. I wonder if anything has shifted around.

Appointments and appointments

2008-08-26T14:36:00.003-04:00

This morning I spent a little time setting up appointments that I need to have. By the middle of September I will have gone for a follow up CT scan and had a lung surgeon and a pulmonologist follow-up appointment. That will be interesting. I'm supposed to get a pulmonary function test at that point so I'll get a feel for exactly how much lung capacity I have lost. I also made an appointment with the eye doctor. New glasses - always good. This time I might spring for the fancy sun-darkening ones. I've always wanted those.

Up a tree

2008-08-25T06:58:00.007-04:00

On Saturday I was thinking about all the things I said I wanted to do when I was out with the hernia surgery. One of them was climbing the tree in the front yard. I had been up it before but haven't climbed up there for several years. I decided to hoist myself up at least part of the way. The tree trunk divides so I decided only to go up that far this time.

It's an easy climb because there are so many branches. It would be possible slip but it would be hard to fall out.

Aside from the fact that it's just fun to do, the view from up in the tree is great. You can see down into my back yard and out over the valley to the east. On Saturday there was just a light breeze so the tree didn't sway too much. It would swing quite a lot in a brisk wind.

There is a taller pine tree in the back yard. You can see quite a long way if you climb near to the top. It has lost some branches at the bottom in recent years so it's harder to get started going up there. I might try it again some time, though. That one really is an adventure.

In the mail

2008-08-19T06:54:00.003-04:00

Like everyone else, the first thing I do when I get home is to check the mail. Usually it's full of assorted junk mail and advertisements for assorted things. Yesterday I didn't have any of that, just two handwritten notes. I don't think I have ever had that happen before.

The first note was from Rick, thanking me for things I did to help during and after Barry's illness. It was beautifully written and he said some of the kindest and most helpful things. I will hold onto it for a long time. The second was from my nephew Joe to thank me for a graduation present. I kid my nephews that I'm only being nice to them so they'll feel obligated to take care of me when I'm old. Joe told me that he'd be the first to take care of me when I'm old and decrepit in the home. That was both funny and reassuring. After this past year and a half, decrepit seems to be coming on sooner than I had anticipated!

What a wonderful moment to come home to find two kind and thoughtful messages. It made me feel as if I just might be getting things right some of the time.

Full moon and heron

2008-08-18T07:44:00.003-04:00

This morning I took my usual walk down to the river before dawn. I'm trying to step up the pace a bit to get some real exercise. It was beautifully clear and the full moon lit up everything. A heron was standing in the river by the bridge. She was closer than usual and didn't fly away as they sometimes do. It has been a very long time since I've seen a heron there. A good sign, I hope.

A perplexing surprise

2008-08-14T12:23:00.002-04:00

Today I just happened to notice a box that had been sent through our internal delivery system that was addresed to me and had been left on a file cabinet outside my office door. I don't know how long it might have been there. It didn't contain a note, just a Lava Lite themed box of Puffs tissues. It was evidently sent by someone who knows me well - or at least sent by someone who knows that I have more than one Lava Lite and that getting these mystery shipments in delivery is likely to drive me round the bend with curiosity. I did the usual forensic analysis of the box, trying to read through all the scratched out labels to figure out where it might have been before but that didn't pay off. It's a cool box, too. It has a lenticular Lava Lite picture on one side that changes depending on your angle of view. A fun surprise on a day that I could really use one.

OK, it turns out that the box was from Sharyn. I suspected a much. The scary part is that she had sent me an email to tell me that it was coming and I zoned out on that info.

And a new week begins

2008-08-11T07:45:00.003-04:00

The memorial service this weekend was as good as it is possible for something like that to be. It has been a long series of events over the last year and a half. I am hoping for but not counting on a period where life assumes a mundane pace for a while. I feel like I have been given a barrage of experiences to help me understand more fully what is important and to spend my time on those things.

Nine months

2008-08-06T07:41:00.004-04:00

As of today it has been nine months out of my big lung surgery. A lot went on leading up to that day and so much since then. It's hard to sort it all out.

An early autumn

2008-08-05T17:13:00.005-04:00

Just yesterday I saw that some of the leaves on a tree near the library where I work have begun to change color already. On the drive home I noticed that some of the sumac trees along the side of the highway have begun to change as well.

I took a picture of the leaves on the tree by the library. Yesterday in the bright sun the colors were even more vibrant but today is a grey day.

Home from the memorial service

2008-08-04T16:13:00.007-04:00

Connie and I arrived back from Jacksonville last night. The trip went as well as we could have hoped. We had a chance to spend a little time both with Barry's family and with Rick's family. We also met several people Barry had spoken about but that we had never met in person. All good and kind people.

From what I heard this weekend Barry faced more difficulties than I had ever imagined. He might sometimes have acknowledged that they were happening but he never complained.

People spoke beautifully at the service. The remarks were positive and hopeful - just as Barry wanted them to be. There were plenty of tears as well. That is as it should be. All part of a fitting tribute to someone who was taken away from us far too soon.

This weekend was difficult for everyone and everyone stepped up to that challenge.

There will be a service this Saturday, August 9 at 10:00 in the garden at St. John's United Church of Christ for those of us in the Baltimore area. I will be helping with that as much as I am needed.

In his blog posts, Barry always tried to end with something light so I'll try to do the same. Not twelve hours after I was out of town, my washing machine hot water hose burst and sprayed water all over the basement laundry area. It ran across the basement floor and out the garage door. I had been home for three weeks before that with the hernia surgery but the stupid hose waited just long enough to be sure I was hundreds of miles away before it popped. It evidently hadn't counted on my neighbors who stepped in and took care of things. A very lucky break for me. I bought new steel reinforced hoses this morning and will install them tonight. A minor problem but one I could have done without just now.

In Jacksonville

2008-08-02T08:55:00.002-04:00

This week has been a blur with phone calls, arrangements, and a busy schedule at work. There are services for Barry in Jacksonville on August 3 (tomorrow) and in Baltimore on August 9. Barry's friend Connie and I had made plans to fly to Jacksonville to see him this weekend so we decided to come down for the service. We flew down last night. We'll see what we can do to help with things today andPublish Post will fly home after the service tomorrow.